Seeing Me Smile
by Female-Fighter
Summary: His knees buckled under him, the weight was too much for him to bear alone but that's what he wanted, wasn't it?
1. Sitting in Sadness

Chapter 1

**Sitting in Sadness**

**Disclaimer-**I own nothing

The rain fell gently against his window, just like the tears that fell against his face. The pain he felt was unbearable, it had been going on for so long. He didn't want anyone to worry about him so he hid it. Now it overran him and he couldn't take it any longer. His knees buckled as he fell to the floor unable to support his weight. He felt as if he was drowning, like he had forgotten how to swim and his feet couldn't touch the bottom of the shore so he could walk to land. All he could see were waves crashing down onto him, pushing me down and further from land. He couldn't bear this alone, even if this is what he wanted, to have no one worry. He wasn't their problem; they shouldn't have to keep an eye on him. Somehow knowing that they would never understand he smiled a little.

The rain had stopped by morning and the sun was starting to shine through. The man covered his eyes from the light. It was too bright for him, pulling his sleeve down his arm more, he shielded his eyes and moved towards his bed. Every move was excruciating, nothing in his body wanted to move. Collapsing on his bed and breathing heavy he soon fell asleep again. He could hear people talking, asking if he was okay and should they take him to the hospital. He didn't want to be bothered, his eyes barely opened, all he wanted to do was sleep. Able to convince them to leave he rolled to his side, the club would worry about him being absence, maybe he would call someone later and let them know he was okay. But was he okay? This wasn't normal for him; would he be able to bounce back from this? As his body screamed for more sleep, all he could do was think of the possible answers.

Kyoya looked up from his reading, it was quiet today. Tamaki wasn't here yet, that wasn't like him. He pulled out his laptop and looked up accident reports, seeing if his car was stuck in traffic. He found it odd that Tamaki didn't inform him that he was going to be late. Seeing nothing reported he called him before homeroom started. He snapped the phone shut as it went straight to voicemail. The classmates next to him became scared when he slammed it on the desk. _*Tamaki, you idiot where are you?*_

Everyone was waiting in music room 3, the guests were going to arrive in five minutes and no one knew where Kyoya or Tamaki were.  
"I heard that Tama-chan wasn't in school today." Hunny played with Usa-chan as he waited with the others.  
"That's not like Tamaki to miss school; I don't think he has ever missed a day since he moved here." Kaoru looked over at Hikaru; he could tell he was upset that Tamaki wasn't here. As much as Hikaru wouldn't let anyone but Kaoru know, he was grateful for all that has happened to both of them. And both weren't crazy about change so any little thing seemed so drastic to him.  
"This doesn't feel right; maybe we should cancel for today and check on the lord."  
Hikaru turned away and was about to take out his phone.  
"Tamaki would never allow us to disappoint our guests." Everyone turned to see Kyoya in the doorway. "We shall make sure everyone is happy and deal with that idiot later." They all looked surprised to see Kyoya pissed off. Did he know why Tamaki wasn't here and just not telling them?

Tamaki woke up and looked out the window, it was later then he thought. Antoinette was sleeping by his feet, when he sat up she looked up at him with sad eyes.  
"I know, I'm sorry girl, I'm making you worry." She jumped off the bed as he tried to stand up. His body felt so strange, he wasn't sure he could move it. He walked to the bathroom; maybe if he washed up he would feel better. Antoinette stayed by his feet, as if to make sure he didn't fall. He was horrified by his reflection, his face looked drawn out, heavy bags under his eyes, his blonde hair was matted. Even after splashing water in his face he looked the same. It's a good thing no one from the club saw him, they would be mortified. Still unable to get rid of the feeling inside him he sat by the baby grand that was put in his room after he arrived to Japan. His fingers were on the keys but he couldn't push down on them. Usually when he was upset playing helped him but, not today. Now all he could do was stare. Antoinette barked at him and nudged his elbow; all he could do was turn and pet her head.  
"Sorry girl, I can't, it's almost like I've forgotten how." Seeing that sitting there was pointless he got up and looked at his phone. He forgot it was off and plugged in because it died last night. He was about to call Kyoya but realized they would still have guest so he put the phone back on the dresser.

The maids were finally able to get Tamaki downstairs. He sat at the head of the long table and stared at the food placed in front of him. The chief asked if something was wrong with it. Tamaki had forced a small smile telling him it was fine he just wasn't that hungry. Nothing made sense to him, why wasn't this feeling going away? He should be happy, everything was good with the host club and his grandmother made him an offer to forgive his mother and let him visit her. So why did he feel as if his whole world was falling apart? He sat in the living room, a few of the maids were able to play the piano, it wasn't Mozart but it was nicely done. The music was soft and comforted him, without knowing it he had started crying. He quickly wiped away the tears so no one would see. Since he was feeling slightly better he decided to go back upstairs and call Kyoya, he had to make sure he wasn't mad at him. As he stood up his feet gave out under him sending him into a vase holding fresh roses. He landed on top of the broken glass, cutting him. The people playing quickly stopped to help him.

"Master Tamaki, your arm is bleeding, let us clean it for you." they helped him stand and walked with him to the kitchen. Luckily glass didn't get embedded into his skin. They cleaned and covered it. When they left him so he could go back to his room he stared at the bandages on his wrist going up his arm partway. Something wasn't right with him, when they helped him he didn't fuss over the pain, he welcomed it. How could that happen? He always hated any form of pain so why did he enjoy this?

Kyoya was in his room, his homework opened up, he focused on that until he found something interesting out on his laptop.  
"Expanding out of Japan." He pulled out his phone as he read over the online article.  
"Tamaki, you better have a good reason for skipping today." His eyes narrowed as he listened to Tamaki on the other end. His voice was horse, maybe he had gotten sick, No, what Tamaki was saying wasn't sickness.

"You enjoyed what?" He sat up from his position, "Tamaki, what is going on?"

_I know slow chapter, and a cliffhanger. Hopefully I will continue sooner…I'm writing this and another story and I want to make sure I don't forget about that one._

_Please review, and yes I know, I made Tamaki depressed, I'm a horrible person._

_~Femalefighter~_


	2. Wading in Water

Chapter 2

**Wading In Water**

**Disclaimer -** I own nothing!

Kyoya sat in his car, the driver seemed to be going slow. Didn't he know to rush, that someone needed help? The closer he got to the estate the more thoughts kept popping up. Why didn't Tamaki say anything to him? How long was this going on for?

"Master Kyoya we have arrived." The driver opened the door, and Kyoya stepped out. As he walked to the door, Shima had it opened before he had finished walking up to it.  
"It's so good to see you again Kyoya, the master is upstairs in his room. He seems so troubled but like always he won't say a word."  
"Thank you, Shima." He handed her his coat and walked upstairs. His room was quiet, usually you heard something coming from the room. Opening the door, he was taken a back by the minimal light in the room. The lights were off leaving only the sun that could come in through the cracks in the shades.  
"Tamaki, why is it so dark in here?" He walked in and closed the door behind him.

"Kyoya, why are you here?" Tamaki pushed himself off the floor, meeting him halfway. Kyoya grabbed his wrists, flipping them up so he could see them. Bandages went up his arm, a sick feeling ran through his stomach.  
"Tamaki, what is this?"  
"Glass, I fell on glass the other day, remember?"  
The feeling dimmed down a little as he remembered that Tamaki had told him that. That he was here because of the feeling Tamaki got when it cut him.  
"Kyoya are you okay? You don't look so well?"  
"You don't show up to school yesterday, tell no one and ask if I'm okay?" He stopped after he realized how snippy he was speaking. He wasn't going to be helping if he continued.

"What?" Tamaki walked to the piano and sat at the bench. "I know I should have told you but yesterday I just couldn't move, I wasn't feeling well."  
"What about today, do you feel better? And why are the lights out?"  
"I don't know how I feel, my body feels off but I don't know why." He looked up at the lights. "I for some reason can't stand the light, It hurts my eyes too much. Maybe my eyes are going bad."  
Kyoya sat down next to him, he knew what Tamaki was suffering from. He figured it out as soon as he walked in the room.

"Tamaki can you play the piano for me?"  
He stared at him for a moment, then placed his hands on the keys. Kyoya watched as Tamaki struggled with himself to move his hands to the notes. Every so often he would mess up, finally he stopped and stared at his hands.  
"I'm sorry Kyoya, I can't play, my hands don't want to do what I want them too."  
Kyoya looked at the fists in his lap, how could Tamaki be this bad? How long had he been suffering? How did he not see the signs before?  
"Tamaki get your things, we are going outside."  
"Kyoya, I don't know, it really hurts to do anything, plus the sun is at it's highest right now."  
"Don't make me drag you, get your things." He pulled down a pair of sunglasses from a dresser and handed them to Tamaki.

They hadn't been out long before Tamaki had to stop. Kyoya knew that he was forcing himself to move and create small talk. They sat at a bench by a park. People were playing with their children on the play sets, some were walking with their pets. Kyoya had hoped that being by a park would help a little. But, he knew that coming here wouldn't solve much.

"Kyoya, can I ask for your opinion?"  
"What is it Tamaki?"  
"If your father made you a deal that, if you accepted could and would benefit others, but deep down you knew it wasn't what you wanted. What would you do?"  
He sat their for a moment, he already knew why Tamaki was asking. He found out last night, but for the first time he wasn't sure of how he wanted to answer it.  
"Knowing that could be my only chance I would take it, but that's not you Tamaki, I know that."  
Tamaki looked at Kyoya, his face was confused even if his eyes were hidden behind the sunglasses.  
"Your grandmother and father are branching out. They asked you to join them, but in doing so you would have to give up even more."

Tamaki's mouth fell open. "How...how did you know about that, my father said nothing would go public until after I decided if I wanted to or not."  
"I have my sources."

Tamaki opened his mouth to say something else but closed it, Kyoya knew something was in his mind, it showed on his face.

Soon they decided to walk back. Tamaki tried his best to look okay, but, his body wasn't handling it well. Tamaki had taught himself to be happy or to be always smiling, this wave of sadness was too much for him to handle at once. If Tamaki wasn't under a watchful eye, he could do something that could stay with him forever.

Kyoya stayed as long as he could, he wanted to work out a way so that Tamaki could stay with someone. To do so though he needed time to think about all the details. Before he walked to his car he made sure he would be alright alone.  
"The club needs it's leader, so you better be there tomorrow."  
"I'll be there, but I have to leave early. My meeting with my grandmother is tomorrow."  
"We will be sure to inform the others then." He got into the waiting car and drove off. Tamaki walked back into the house. Kyoya said not to worry, together they would get him back to being his old self, but that feeling was coming back. He should have told Kyoya everything, the most important parts were left out.

That night Tamaki and Kyoya laid in their beds. Their minds were spinning from all the thoughts, neither could find the peace to sleep, the hours dragged on. One, two, three, soon it was three-thirty. One finally settled into a sleep, not peaceful but his eyes finally shut as his mind was too tired to keep going. The other found rest shortly after as the answers he needed finally slid into place.

_Gahh this chapter was sooo hard to write. nothing wanted to sound right, then I wasn't sure where I wanted to go with it. It was really bad, I didn't think i would have it done in time to update the day I picked. Please review and tell me your thoughts._

_~Femalefighter~_


	3. Anguish and Anger

Chapter 3

**Anguish and Anger**

**Disclaimer-**I own nothing!

Morning came too soon for both men. Maids helped the one get up for fear he would go back to bed and miss another day of school. Tamaki stood in the shower, letting the hot water wake him up. He had a full day today, nothing would be easy. He would just have to trust Kyoya, he trusted him for years, so why would it be different now? In the car he looked at his arm, he was told not to remove the bandages. He wasn't sure why exactly but he did what he was told. No one could see them any way, his uniform shirt covered them all. When the driver opened the door to let him out, he shielded his eyes. The light still bothered him and he still didn't know why.  
"Have a good day at school, sir."  
"Thank you." He rushed the words as he tried his hardest not to run inside the building.

Kyoya looked up to see Tamaki walk in. He looked so exhausted. As Tamaki got closer to his desk Kyoya started to beat himself up internally for not noticing sooner.  
"Morning Kyoya." Tamaki plopped himself into the chair, he only did that if he was upset over something, and that wasn't something that happened a lot.

"How are you feeling?" His words were carefully placed in case anyone over heard then they wouldn't get there true meaning .  
"Okay I guess, have you talked to the others yet?"  
"No, I have not, you can tell them at lunch hour."  
He nodded and turned to the front of the room as homeroom was starting. Kyoya wanted to tell Tamaki about the plan he created last night, but had to wait now until they got a break.

Tamaki's head was pounding by the time he went to lunch. He hadn't paid attention in any of his classes, hopefully nothing was too hard that he wouldn't be able to pick it up later. When he walked into the club room, every one was waiting for him. Kyoya must have talked to them since they never met before school was out.  
"Mi'lord your back." Hikaru turned away from the window.

"Senpai, are you still not feeling well, you don't look good." Haruhi stared at his face. He looked away before he blurted out all that was going on. The others didn't have to know, it was bad enough he told Kyoya. Not that he didn't appreciate all he was doing for him but, now he could tell Kyoya was worried and going out of his way to help him.  
"Listen everyone, I need to leave early today. I have a meeting I must attend."  
Everyone was surprised to hear that. It wasn't like Tamaki to leave early. They were so confused by his recent behavior.  
"Senpai, is everything okay? I think I can speak for everyone when I say this isn't like you."

He looked at Haruhi but refusing himself to lock eyes.  
"I know, I'm sorry to everyone, but the meeting starts at the time we usually get out so I have to leave early to make it."  
"I will be accompanying Tamaki as well, since it's a meeting my father is hosting. So do try not to make a mess of things while we are gone."  
No one said anything, nothing made any sense to them. Haruhi understood the business meeting but not the look Tamaki had once Kyoya said he was going as well. Didn't Tamaki already know that, so why did he look confused? Everyone had to leave for class again, everyone was lost in thought as they left. What was it that neither person wanted the others to know?

Tamaki put on a happy face once school got out and the guests started to arrive. Everyone got too wrapped in the task at hand to worry about what happened earlier until Tamaki and Kyoya got up to leave.  
"Sorry princesses but I must leave early today."  
"Oh no Tamaki, are you okay?"  
He laughed at their expressions. "Don't worry everything is fine, but, know that while I should focus on the meeting my mind will go back to thoughts of you."  
The girls blushed at his statement as he walked away.  
"Ready Tamaki?"  
"Yes I am." He waited until they got outside before he asked what was bugging him since lunch, "Why are you coming with me?"  
He said nothing but stayed beside him as they walked to the waiting car.

As they pulled up the driveway Tamaki started fixing his shirt and tie. He replaced his school blazer with his formal one.  
"What will you do when I'm inside?"  
"I'm going to be waiting here for you to get out."  
"Wait here? But why, I don't even understand why you came along." He was truly curious, his mind had been wondering that for the entire trip.  
"Stop worrying about it and get out of the car. You don't want to be late."  
Once Tamaki was inside he told the driver to go, he had something he had to take care of.  
"Hello Shima..yes I'll be there shortly...if you could please...yes, thank you." He closed the phone and stared out the window. If everything went as he planned with Tamaki then his plan would be successful.

Tamaki was seated in a chair where he had to wait for his grandmother to call for him. He kept his hands on his lap hoping that they wouldn't be sweaty. His head was pounding and he didn't know why. Was the stress getting to him, or nerves? He had to make sure he left a good impression. Since he already knew his grandmother didn't like him this had to go perfectly so maybe she would change his mind about him. He stood abruptly when someone finally got him.  
"This way please, sir."  
He walked down a short hallway before entering the room. His heart picked up speed as he saw his grandmother. She was sitting at the far end of a couch. Not looking up from her tea she gestured to let him enter.

"Sit down."  
He quickly found a seat at the couch across from her.  
"In two weeks you are going to America. There you will meet with the advisers to create a new branch of the school. You will see to the design, after you graduate high school you will instructed on the business management while at a university."  
"I'm leaving Ouran?" His head shot up, he fought back tears. Why did he have to leave so soon. He was told that he would be leaving after he graduated.  
"Do you have a problem with this? Remember I can send you back to France and you can have nothing."  
"No, of course I have no problem with it, I was just making sure I understood correctly."  
"Good, then this meeting is over. I'll send you the needed information for your transfer in two weeks."  
Tamaki sat there for a moment still in a state of shock. He noticed she wanted him to leave with her glare, he stood up, bowed and left. Before he made it to the front door he ran into the bathroom. He needed to stop the tears before he saw Kyoya. The pain ripped through him, everything he worked so hard to gain was being taken away. Why was he always being punished? Was this happening because he wanted to have and share love?

Kyoya arrived back at the estate a little later then he hoped but, it didn't look like Tamaki was done with the meeting yet. He settled in his seat, who knew how long the meeting could take and he had nothing better to do but get comfortable. Not more then ten minutes had passed when he saw Tamaki come out. He looked different, something happened, his face looked off with it's color. The driver opened the door and he slid in.  
"Tamaki, how was the meeting?"

He looked and smiled, trying to be as convincing as he could. "It went very well, I will be in charge of the new branch once I graduate from all my necessary schooling." The car drove off.  
"To celebrate then we are going to my house, you will also be staying with me for a while."  
"Oh, okay...but why, won't I be in the way?"  
"You wanted my help didn't you? In finding out why you couldn't play the piano? Tamaki your such an idiot sometimes."  
Tamaki folded his hands on his lap and looked at them. Again he couldn't tell Kyoya the truth. He was doing all of this for him but still he couldn't tell him what was going on.  
"Yea, I know I am."  
Kyoya stared at him out of the corner of his eyes. He couldn't read what was going through his mind. Soon he would though, he had weeks to watch, and study Tamaki. Then he would learn what was going on.

_If I stop here then I'm not cliffhanging. I got this chapter done faster then I thought so who knows maybe I'll update again later in the week? This has nothing to do with this story much but I got to meet Vic Mignogna. He is the sweetest person I've ever met. It was an honor! Okay, with that out of the way hope you enjoyed it, please review, thanks!_

_~Femalefighter~_


	4. Hurting For Happiness

_Chapter 4_

**Hurting For Happiness**

**Disclaimer- I own nothing!**

Tamaki sat on the couch in Kyoya's room. A maid was unpacking some clothes from his suitcase into some drawers Kyoya had cleared out for him. Kyoya walked out of his bathroom, and stared at him. He seemed so lifeless, this person who only looked liked his friend sent chills down his spine.  
"Your toothbrush and shower supplies are on the second sink for you." Tamaki jumped up in the chair surprised to hear Kyoya behind him, and turned to face him.  
"Oh okay, thank you." Kyoya sat in the couch across from him and picked up the green tea cup that was waiting for him. "Kyoya, I was wondering something, about how long will I be staying her? I only ask so I can tell my father if he asks."  
"Do not worry about it, every call will be forwarded and every staff member is sworn not to say a word about you staying here. Obviously my parents will know you are over a lot for dinner but a simple school project will end the conversation, not to mention the many events my family hosts. No one will be home during most nights."  
"You shouldn't have gone to all that trouble Kyoya, I don't want the staff or even you for that matter to go out of your way for me." Tamaki turned his head away from Kyoya, he felt tears coming to his eyes. Why was he crying, he was simply talking to Kyoya? Nothing made sense for him anymore, his emotions were out of control. He never understood where they came from.  
"Tamaki, it isn't a big deal, this makes it easier for you to have less to worry about." Kyoya tried to sound confident for him. He knew Tamaki needed to know everything would work out.

"I trust you, so if you say so Kyoya then I will try my best not to worry." He bent down to his feet and pulled out his school books.  
"I need to finish my homework, history gave so much 'have ready to hand in tomorrow' work." He placed the books on the table and knelt down by it. Kyoya watched him for a moment before joining him at the table. He wanted to be beside him and let him know he wasn't alone in what ever was troubling him. He wanted Tamaki to come to him for help, he was and always will be there for him.

Tamaki rolled over in bed to see the sun coming in through the window. He could hear his alarm going off for him to get up and ready for school. The room was quiet, Kyoya slept silently in the bed next to the one Tamaki was in. Kyoya had it brought in from another guest room. His family wouldn't realize it wasn't there, and Kyoya didn't trust Tamaki alone. He sat up and walked down the stairs to the T.V. to put on the news just as something that would help wake him up. He slept horribly last night, his mind wouldn't settle down no matter how hard he tried. He hoped it would get easier over the next two weeks but he doubted it. The closer he got to leaving Japan and the longer he hid the truth from Kyoya and the other club members the less sleep he would be getting. Running his hand through his hair and slouching into the couch he let the sports newscaster drift him into the daydream state. He didn't know he closed his eyes until he felt someone touch his arm. He sat up and saw Kyoya holding a tray with tea on it.  
"Are you okay? Did you not sleep well?" Tamaki sat normally on the couch for a second to get his heart to stop racing, then he stood up. "I'm fine, and I slept well thank you, I guess the news doesn't interest me as much as I thought." He stood up and walked into the bathroom to get ready for school, He had less time than normal but at least he didn't have to worry about Kyoya needing to get ready after him since he was already dressed.

Tamaki stood in front of the mirror, he was trying to hurry and shave but he didn't want to cut himself. He would have skipped it but he feared a shadow would appear causing unwanted attention to himself. It was bad enough he had bags under his eyes from lack of sleep. Almost done he hurried up, he flinched as the razor cut him. He yelled at himself for not using his electric shaver so that this wouldn't happen. He wiped his face, watching the blood run down the drain. Something inside him went off. He remembered the glass cutting him. It felt so good, a sort of release, a reminder that he was alive and not the numb shell he felt like. The cut on his face felt as good as the glass, he felt so happy to feel something instead of the nothingness he had been feeling. Staring at his wrist he saw the pink healing cuts. They were still scabbing over, it wouldn't be too hard to re-open them. He noticed the razor wouldn't really work for it had guards to protect people from doing what he was thinking about, Not to mention the other blades would create new cuts in addition to re-opening the one. He put it down looking around the room. A small pair of scissors sat in a bin. They were in perfect condition, not a speck of rust or dirt on them. Perfect for what they were needed for. He checked the door, it was still closed and locked. Holding the scissors he closed one eye, bringing his wrist to the blade. Deep down he knew what he was doing was wrong. If something went wrong he could do permanent damage. Even with all the cons running through his head he let the one pro take over. Relief, this was his only way to gain relief. To feel something again and to keep Kyoya and the others in the dark.

He walked out of the bathroom, bandages were wrapped around his wrist to stop the bleeding. He made sure his uniform shirt covered it. If blood did seep through he could say the scabs opened up since he was able to make no new cuts. He grabbed his blazer and backpack. Kyoya was already outside by the two waiting cars. They decided it would keep rumors down if they showed up and left in different cars. People wouldn't know that the cars would both go to Kyoya's unless they followed them.  
"Ready Tamaki?" Kyoya noticed the cut on his face and joked about it as they got into the cars. Tamaki looked down at his hand, it burned. The cuts hurt worse then he could have imagined. _When the blade_ _hit he flinched, tears managed to reach his eyes and escape down his face. The pain felt so good to him, a reminder that he was still alive and human. No matter how many smiles he gave he couldn't deny the fact that he was hurting. His life was once again changing, and no matter how hard he tried the truth and weight of his world was bearing down on him. _He knew from the start he wouldn't be able to hid the truth from Kyoya but he hoped that by the time the truth surfaced it would be too late for him to get involved.

_Short but this was hard to write. Apparently I'm feeling really bad for making Tamaki depressed. Next Chapter will be up on Tuesday! 12-15-09! :)_


	5. Nightingale of Nightmares

Chapter 5

**Nightingale of Nightmares**

**Disclaimer-**I own nothing!

Author's Note- All chapter titles have a meaning in between the text. If I remember when I finish this story I will add a chapter with all the hidden meanings. :) I need to give credit where credit is due, this chapter and last chapter I had help. I watched two amazing videos on YouTube that helped give me some ideas for the chapters. I'll add the link to the bottom, to watch just copy and paste to your web browser.

Tamaki had been at Kyoya's for three days already. Meaning he only had eleven days left before he moved to America. Every spare moment went to learning English. It wasn't as hard as learning Japanese but it still gave him problems. He was learning how to write left handed as well for his right arm burned all the time and was discolored. He knew it was infected, his old scars weren't fading but changing to a green, purple color. The pain and infection didn't stop him, he simply made new cuts. He hadn't planned on taking it this far, he had tried to stop but as he stared receiving the paperwork for the transfer, his body had started to scream for relief. He planned to treat his infections as soon as he got to America for fear that Kyoya would learn of what he was doing if he went to the doctors here.

Kyoya walked in to see Tamaki asleep on his books. He picked up one noticing it was an in English. The one Tamaki was sleeping on looked like a business management book. It seemed strange that he would be working on that now since he still had a few years before he was going over to America. All the reports read that the new school wasn't set to open in at lest six years after Tamaki completed all the required schooling. Maybe this was the grandmother's doing, knowing her she wanted him to start now, it seemed like she was always giving Tamaki loads to do now a days. He placed the book down, then touched Tamaki's arm. He decided it was time to get some answers. Tamaki snapped up and grabbed his wrist. A pain seared through it, he looked up to see Kyoya standing over him.  
"Tamaki, let me see your wrist." The words were bluntly released, deep down he was scared and worried. He hadn't touched Tamaki with much force. Not enough to get such a reaction from him, not unless the area was tender.  
"Tamaki let me see your arm!" He stepped forward ready to take it by force if he had to. Tamaki stood up and placed his arm behind him in attempts to hid it from him.  
"Why? There is nothing to see." He tried to think of a way to persuade Kyoya that nothing was wrong. One glance was all it would take for everything he worked so hard to hide to come into the light. He couldn't let Kyoya find out, it would hurt them both. Kyoya was too important to him, he knew he wouldn't be able to handle it if he hurt him.  
"If there is nothing wrong with it then let me see. Tamaki what are you hiding!" He stepped back as Kyoya stepped forward.  
"Please don't Kyoya." He whispered for his voice couldn't manage anything higher.

"What you are doing is dangerous Tamaki, not to mention wrong and not like you. Talk to me, let me help you."  
Neither moved, one for fear of becoming a bigger burden then he was already was. The other waiting for the other to make a move. Tired of waiting Kyoya lunged forward, not giving Tamaki time to move. He grabbed his arm and slid it down to his wrist. Tamaki had his sleeve end tightly held in his hand.  
"Tamaki let go, I'll move it by force if I have to!"

"No, please let go." his voice cracking from the pain of Kyoya's hand. Kyoya tightened his grip and watched as Tamaki's face became twisted. He could tell he was in pain, why wouldn't he allow him to take a look? He let go,"Fine Tamaki don't tell me what's going on and continue to do what your doing. I hope you know I'm here for you." He turned away, " I only hope that when you do tell me it isn't too late." Kyoya stepped away, not that he would admit it to anyone but it hurt that Tamaki wouldn't talk to him.  
"Kyoya, wait." Tamaki reached out and grabbed his arm to stop him from leaving. "Don't go, I'm scared, I don't know what is happening to me." He pulled Kyoya to him, tears soaked his shirt as his head was buried into his chest. Kyoya set them down on the couch next to them. "I thought I could handle it, not get you involved in my problems, but it hurts, it hurts so much Kyoya." Kyoya brought him closer. Relief settled over him, they were finally making progress, slowly but it was something. Kyoya knew from the start it wouldn't be easy or fast but before he was worried that Tamaki would refuse the help offered to him.  
"Thank you Tamaki." He whispered as rested his head on top of the crying man. No one moved or said a word for hours. Tamaki sat up first after he could cry no more. Kyoya lifted his head to give him the space to move.  
"Thank you Kyoya for staying by my side."  
"Tamaki, I own you my thanks, just by being yourself, you made me do things I never would have done on my own. You helped me paint outside the lines. It's only right that I repay you for what you did for me."  
"I did that for you? It doesn't seem possible."  
"Tamaki you always go out of your way to help those that are in need, your the only one that has ever seen me as I really am."  
"I guess your right." He wiped away the rest of his tears. "Kyoya can you promise me something? Can you promise not to say anything to the others? I can't have them worry as well."  
Kyoya fixed his glasses and stood to stretch out his stiff joints. "Of course Tamaki, but only if you promise me that the next time you think about bringing something to you wrist you come to me first." Kyoya started up the stairs to the beds. "You coming? It's late and if you don't want the others to worry you will go to school tomorrow."

Tamaki nodded in agreement, " I need to wash my face first, my eyes are stiff." Kyoya was hesitant to let him go in, figuring that the bathroom was probably the room he was cutting himself in, for it was the only room he could be alone and not interrupted or caught. "Fine but remember our promise."  
Tamaki nodded again as he went into the bathroom, Kyoya walked up the rest of the stairs to get ready for bed. While he still had no idea why Tamaki became so depressed he felt a little at ease. They had time to take baby steps if they had too. He was happy knowing that Tamaki felt as close to him, as he felt.

Tamaki walked into the bathroom and splashed cold water in his face. His eyes felt so stiff from crying. He never imagined he could cry so long. The last he had seen it was seven-thirty now it was a quarter to ten. He pulled up his sleeve, tomorrow he would tell Kyoya about it. He knew the longer he waited to have it looked at the closer he was getting to becoming very sick. He picked up the scissors and stared at them for a moment then put them back down. He hoped that, that would be the last time he picked them up again. Taking his pajamas from the rack he kept them on he changed and walked out.

As he laid in bed that night he stared at his sleeping friend in the next bed. Now knowing how Kyoya felt about him and how those feeling mirrored his own he couldn't help himself from feeling bad. It would now be much harder to say good-bye when the time came. He turned away so he could shed a few more tears. When he would leave for America it would be the hardest thing he would do. He tried to compare it leaving France, while it was hard because he had to leave his mother with the words 'you will never speak to her again', he knew he was doing it for her health. She had also told him that as long as he smiled she would be healthy and smiling too.  
"Mom, I hope I haven't made you sick." He closed his eyes for once letting his mind take over and seep into his dreams. Visions of his mother and the family he created here kept him asleep all night.

Kyoya woke up at the sound of his alarm, he really disliked that alarm. He got up and saw Tamaki still in bed, that was a first. He walked down the stairs to see breakfast being placed on the coffee table for them.  
"Good morning sir, your father is still here so I figured you would like your breakfast in here."  
"Thank you but I should join him, please help Tamaki get up and then inform him of the situation." He quickly got dressed as the maid went up to wake Tamaki. Kyoya hoped his father would either leave before them or go into his private office. If not he would have to sneak Tamaki out, not that it was hard to do just more work.

Tamaki sat at the coffee table waiting for Kyoya to come back. He hoped he wasn't going to get him in trouble. Kyoya was doing so much to help him if Yoshio-san found out it could cause Kyoya trouble. To help his mind change subjects he thought about his feelings. He knew he couldn't trust them with everything that was going on but he still couldn't deny that the friendship both him and Kyoya shared was changing. With all the coming change this was the only one he welcomed.

0o0o0

_I feel slightly better about this chapter. A lot is happening next so I hope your ready for it. Also I have a ton of favorite/ alerts for this chapter. I thank everyone that has but may I ask why? _

_Here are the links as promised... the second one has swearing so be advised._

_Be My .com/watch?v=wpkMePVzQuo_

_Tamaki's Just a Kid- (warning for Language).com/watch?v=Pct2FGvPwRw_


	6. Losing Your Life

Chapter 6

**Losing Your Life**

**Disclaimer- **I own nothing!

Author's Note- I'm surprised by how well received this is, Thank You All! :)

The girls sat around Tamaki talking about vacation spots their families normally went to. While he talked and joked around with them he tried to push the thought of the remaining seven days out if his head. By this time next week he would be on a fourteen hour flight to America. His head hurt from all the worrying, he pushed his hair back from his face. To him, doing that helped push back any thoughts he didn't want to focus on.  
"Tamaki, will the host club be holding something during the festival next week?"  
"Why yes, please forgive me for forgetting princesses. Next Thursday and Friday we will be holding a dance for the entirety of the festival. We will be incorporating all different cultures into it so I hope you all enjoy it. We chose the best of everything because you ladies deserve nothing less." Again the girls happily talked about the upcoming event leaving Tamaki the option to focus on other things if he so chose. He was happy that he was able to form a convincing smile nowadays, maybe he needed to give himself more credit. His head really hurt today. He woke up this morning with a pounding headache, no matter what he did it didn't fade even the slightest.  
"Tamaki are you okay?" He noticed the girls staring at him, with worry and curiosity in their eyes.  
"I'm fine, sorry to worry you."  
The members around the room turned as the girls squealed at whatever he said to them.  
"Kyoya, is Tamaki okay? He seems different today, even his ladies are acting strange." Hikaru looked over his shoulder, the girls were louder then normal today.  
"Tamaki is making it up to them for leaving early, it may have been over a week ago but he feels bad, I wouldn't worry about it."  
"That's just like mi'lord, to worry about the little things."  
Kyoya looked at Tamaki laughing with the girls. "Your right, but I would worry if he didn't."  
"Yea, that's true." Hikaru turned to walk back to Kaoru and Haruhi, who was trying to be convinced to go on a trip through their mothers latest fashions. Soon after, Tamaki helped the girls to their feet.  
"See you ladies tomorrow."  
"My Tamaki, your hands are so hot."  
"It's from the touch of yours, and to see your ocean blue eyes meet mine, creates a fever throughout my entire being."  
"Oh Tamaki..." The club members watched as the wooed girls made their way to the door. Haruhi shook her head, no matter how many times she watched them she couldn't believe it. How could anyone fall for it? The twins walked out first with Hunny and Mori. Hunny sat on top of Mori like always and was talking about the new chief the family had and how amazing his desserts were.  
Tamaki walked out of the music room with Haruhi, Kyoya followed behind, listening to their conversation.  
"Haruhi. I have the perfect outfit picked out for you to wear at next weeks festival, it was specially designed to enhance your figure."  
"No way."They continued to go back and forth until they got outside. Tamaki grabbed her hands to get in her face.  
"Daddy would be so grateful if you could wear it." She couldn't help but smile at the serenity he spoke with, it was short lived though.  
"Senpai, the girls were right your hands are really hot, and your face is red, are you sure your feeling okay?"  
Everyone stopped walking, the ones in front turned to look at him. Kyoya tensed, had he not seen Tamaki getting sick? Could he have over looked something, in the process of getting Tamaki to talk? Did he not see his friend fighting a cold or virus?  
"Are my hands really hot? I do feel fine though." He shrugged it off and walked to the waiting car. He felt bad for lying to Haruhi but it was for the best. He climbed into the limo and nearly collapsed, he was hurting so much. His body was exhausted from fighting. Every smile, and lie, every day at school hurt him. He hadn't slept right in days, every night he fell asleep in pain. He wasn't sure if he could keep it up much longer. He couldn't let Kyoya down though, he was working so hard to help. Tamaki could last seven days, he had to, for Kyoya's sake.

Kyoya went through his mail, Tamaki had jumped into the shower when they got home so he couldn't see for himself if Tamaki was fighting a fever. Plus, he had to wait for tea to be made anyway. He stopped when something for Tamaki came up. Usually any of his mail was kept separate when it was brought over from his house. He was going to keep it aside and give it to him when he went back to the room but something grabbed his attention. It was opened, it looked like the sealer came off during transit, the address was the head Suoh estate. He flipped it over and unglued the little piece that was left.

Tamaki's head was spinning, he felt nauseous and all he was doing was sitting on the couch. His right arm burned still and now he had trouble grabbing things. His finger tips were numb. Slowly he got up and walked to the bathroom . He pulled down a towel and ran it under cold water until it was drenched. He wiped the towel all over his face then pulled his head back so it could cover his forehead and cheeks. He flipped it over when it no longer felt cold. After he re-wet it a few times he put it on the sink so he could he get sick. When he stood back up he knew he couldn't hide it anymore. He felt like he was dying, this had gone on for far too long, when Kyoya came back to the room he would ask for his help. Hopefully Kyoya could help him, if he couldn't it would be his own fault for not seeking help sooner. Kyoya had warned him this could happen so it was only fair he paid the price for not listening. He stumbled out of the bathroom to see Kyoya walking back into the room.  
"Tamaki! When were you going to mention to me that you had to leave next week for America? When you were boarding the plane, or when you landed?" Kyoya held the letter in one hand and a tight fist in the other. It took him all he had not to run up to him and slap him across the face.  
"I'm sorry Kyo..." He stopped as he almost got sick again, then turned and ran back to the bathroom.  
"Tamaki?" He instantly fell terrible for yelling, Tamaki had been sick. Why didn't he notice it sooner? He went to the closed door, trying to twist the locked knob. "Tamaki let me in! You need a doctor!" He pounded his fist to the door, "Open the door!" He stopped to listen, he heard nothing coming from the other opposite room. He fumbled for his key that he kept in a dresser draw just in case anyone ever needed to get in during an emergency. He flung open the door to have his heart stop. Tamaki laid on the floor, blood around his head. He wasn't moving, Kyoya quickly checked his pulse, it was slow, his breathing labored. He reached for his cell quickly dialing for an ambulance. He rolled him to the side, grabbing another towel from the rack he placed it under his head to help stop the bleeding from the gash. "Stay with me Tamaki. Don't leave me, you can't leave me."

Kyoya only moved away from him when the EMTs came. No amount of preparation from his family's business could have prepared him for this. To see his best friend being taken away was heart breaking. The ride to the hospital felt like an eternity, he watched the breathing mask on his face, every breath was painful to watch. He was suppose to help him stay away from this happening so how could he let this happen? How could he call himself his friend?

0o0o0

_Don't hate me for cliffhanging! I just can't do it anymore. I'm so mean, my soul hurts me as I'm reading this to type it. I can't take it anymore...I keep getting ready to cry. I plan to update again at least one more time before next week. Since the holidays for me are next Friday I don't know when I'll have time to update next week and I can't leave you all hanging for two weeks. Everyone reviewing, favoritism, alerting this story and me are awesome, I love you all!_

_~Femalefighter~ _


	7. Telling The Truth

Chapter 7

**Telling The Truth**

**Disclaimer-** I own nothing!

Kyoya sat outside of Tamaki's ER room. His cell phone in the middle of his palms. Logic told him to inform the others, but he didn't know much. He also needed to be alone for a little while, think things over,figure out how he missed all of the signs. Tamaki had trusted him to help and instead he didn't see what was happening right in front of him. Doctors came and went from the room, from the urgency he could tell it didn't look good. Slowly the doctors walked out of the room one by one. All tried to avoid looking at Kyoya as they walked past. The last one stopped next to him, Kyoya looked up, pleading on the inside it wasn't bad news he was going to hear, he would never be able to forgive himself if anything happened.  
"Ootori, Kyoya, I'm Doctor Yamada, Shinakio. Suoh, Tamaki was placed under my direct care."  
Kyoya instantly recognized the name, he was one of the hospitals top doctors, his father spoke highly of him. Tamaki was in good hands.  
"Will Tamaki be alright?" He spoke bluntly, he needed to hear that he would be okay.  
"It's all up in the air right now, when he arrived he had a fever of 106.60. His body was going into a shock from that temperature. While we managed to get it down some, it's still high and could shoot back up. His arm is also in bad shape. We have him on antibiotics for the infection but we really need to do more tests, I feel he has nerve damage in the right arm. I can't do anything though until he becomes stable. He also lost some blood due to a gash on his head, the EMTs stated he was on the floor, did he fall and hit the ground?"  
"Yes, he had slipped and fell before I found him, he wasn't there long though." The doctor nodded as if that explained something to him. Kyoya forced himself to breathe, everything was worse then he could have imagined. Finally he forced himself to ask the hardest question, "Will he make it through the night?"  
Dr. Yamada looked at the closed door leading to Tamaki's room. "That is up to him and his body. He is going to have to fight tonight, I'm sorry sir, that is the best answer I can give."  
"No, it's fine, please have preparations made for me to stay the night then."  
"I'm sorry sir, you know I can't so that. You know the rules only family is permitted to stay the night."  
Kyoya was going to fight it, he couldn't leave Tamaki alone, what if he woke up during the night, or something happened? The doctor wouldn't budge on his decision. Wasting time Kyoya decided to just see him while he could.  
"I can't have you stay too long, it's past visiting hours."

He just nodded as pushed open the door and walked in, then closed the door behind him.

His breath caught in his throat, his heart stopped as Tamaki looked so frail with the wires attached to him. His face pale even with the fever. Slowly Kyoya walked over to the side of the bed. His hair was wet from sweating. He looked down, his stomach flipped as he noticed his arm. Over half of the cuts were red and inflamed, the skin had lost it's normal shade to be covered with black and purple bruises. Scared to hurt him with his touch he walked to the other side of the bed. He noticed the skin lay untouched expect for the needles poking in carrying the antibiotics and aspirin directly to his bloodstream. He intertwined his fingers to the sleeping boys. The breathing mask may have covered his face;even so he could tell Tamaki was hurting, his usually loose features were tight. The heart monitor was proving his thought with the high blood pressure and faster heart rate. He looked at his face again, as if the longer he stared the others eyes would open.  
"You need to continue to fight Tamaki, I won't let you give up." He leaned his body over for his head to go directly next to the others. "I can't imagine life going back to how it was before you came here, you have left such an impression on my heart." Tears fell in the pillow, "I'm sorry I yelled at you, you tried to tell me you were sick but I was scared by what I had learned. I hope you can forgive me." He moved his head and regained a proper posture when he heard the door to the room open. He wiped away the few remaining tears as a nurse walked in.

"Ootori-san, I'm sorry but I have to ask you to leave for tonight, but please note we will contact you if anything changes during the night."

He nodded, with one last look he walked to the nurse.  
"I'll be here tomorrow Tamaki, you better be too." When he walked out of the room he made sure the staff had his cellphone number correct and that Tamaki's father was informed.  
"Yes sir, I called and spoke to him myself."  
"Thank you, I will see you tomorrow then."  
The nurse bowed and left Kyoya to walk out of the ER. He called for a car to be sent to him and waited, using the time to decide to call the others tomorrow. They could do nothing now anyway.

When Kyoya got back home the housekeepers let him be. Walking to his room he stopped and stared. Tamaki's books still laid open on the coffee table. Anger swelled in him, anger towards not letting him stay, anger towards Tamaki for never telling him that he was leaving and that he never had his arm looked at sooner. But mostly he was angry at himself for not noticing sooner that Tamaki was in pain. For not seeing the signs that were right in front of his face. The hot hands, how Tamaki rarely used his right hand, the English and business books that were always open, How Tamaki was struggling in classes he used to excel in. He had given himself so much credit for knowing important people and being able to control Tamaki's craziness for the club but when it came to the important things he failed. He was too stupid and now his best friend, the most important person in his life was paying the price.

He pushed the books off the table and flipped the table on it's side, papers flew all over the floor. Kyoya didn't care what they were for, anything that came from the head of the Suoh estate could burn in the lowest parts of hell for all he cared. Suddenly it all made sense, why Tamaki became so depressed, that sudden change. He beat himself up again for not seeing it sooner, it all went back to the devil . The head of the Suoh estate, Tamaki's grandmother. She had stepped into his life recently, the expansion, Tamaki leaving, it all led back to her. Falling to his knees he screamed in anger. He never thought he could hate someone so much, he had disliked Tamaki at first but he was able to see the goodness in his heart, that innocence and how he could see into people's souls leading them to become good friends. This woman was heartless, cruel, crude, everything and anything that was equal to the scum of the earth. He punched the floor with his fists, stopping only when his fists hurt. He was lifting one to make sure he didn't bruise it when something caught his eye. He had punched a piece of folded paper, that wasn't it though. What he saw was his name scribbled on top. He quickly grabbed it and flipped the paper until he could properly read it. He noticed it looked like Tamaki's handwriting but it seemed off somehow.

_Cher Kyoya,_

_J'espérais que I'ecriture en français serait plus facile pour moi, mais ce n'est pas plus dur. I said I was hoping that writing in French would be easier for me but it's just as hard. By the time you get this I will be already hours into my flight. If you may or may not have noticed I'm no longer in Japan. I have moved to America to finish my schooling and become the head of the newest school. I'm sorry for not telling you, keeping it a secret from you killed me. I hope one day you can forgive me because I know it was for the best. I hope we can meet again in the future when I am able to contact you. Know I will never forget you for your friendship left an impression in my heart. Je t'aime._

_Votre ami,_

_Tamaki Suoh_

_Also I'm sorry for the sloppy writing my hand won't stop shaking and sorry for the smudge marks on the bottom of the page, my eyes won't seem to stop tearing._

Kyoya stared at the note, re-reading it two, three times. Tamaki had really been planning on leaving like that, not even properly saying good-bye. For some reason though he wasn't as upset for his eyes kept going back to the bottom lines.*_Know I will never forget you, for your friendship left an impression on my heart. Je t'aime.*_ Tamaki had felt the same way then. Kyoya could feel that the friendship was changing but he didn't know the change was mutually excepted. According to this though it was. A feeling came over him, unlike anything he felt before. He needed to talk to Tamaki, it was time they both came clean. He only hoped it wasn't too late, Tamaki had to know.

That night Kyoya crawled into the bed Tamaki had been sleeping in for the last week. He kept his phone on and tight in his hand. The letter was folded and pinched inside the phone. He brought both to his heart and weep, for as long as he could remember this was only the second time in his life he cried, the first being at the hospital earlier. "Je t'aime, Tamaki." he whispered before sleep overcame him.

0o0o0o

I hope this chapter was longer, eight is getting posted shortly because it was a part of seven but that made the chapter way too long. I have a thing with really long chapters on computers, if I feel like I'm reading the same chapter forever then I get bored with it...and I have to go back and finish it another time. Anything in book form is fine, it's something with computer text I guess. Anyway I cut the chapter in half so that should go up soon.

~Femalefighter~


	8. Fighting The Future

Chapter 8

**Fighting the Future**

**Disclaimer-** I own nothing!

The first rays of sunlight hit Kyoya's face waking him up. He hadn't slept much that night,waking up every few hours. He sat up and checked his phone, there was no new messages. He internally sighed in relief as he stood up. He noticed the time, everyone would be up for school already and if not then they would be hit with a major wake up call. He called Haruhi first, she was surprised to hear his voice on the other end.  
"Kyoya-senpai is something wrong? I don't think you've ever called to speak to me before." He told her as calm as he could, that Tamaki had been rushed to the hospital last night.  
"Can we see him?" was all she could muster after the initial shock subsided.  
"Yes, I'm going when visiting hours start, shall I have the twins pick you up?"  
"Yes, I would be grateful." They said their good-byes, Kyoya closed and re-opened his phone to call Kaoru. He knew Kaoru would stay calm longer allowing for him to explain everything and to mention for them to get Haruhi. He also decided Mori could pass the message along to Mitsukuni. He didn't have the patience or strength to deal with him if he started crying on the phone.

Before he showered he stood at the bathroom sink Tamaki had been using. His stuff left exactly the same as it had been. Kyoya looked for the item that Tamaki had most likely used to cut himself with. The thought still sent chills down his spine. How could Tamaki do that to himself? Why didn't he say anything? How could he not have realized? Was Tamaki still hurting himself even after he promised to stop? He found a razor off to the side, it seemed odd that Tamaki even had one that wasn't electric. Suddenly it dawned on him that the other day when he noticed Tamaki had cut his face it was due to the fact that the electric one was dead and stopped holding a charge. He had that one as back up in case something like that ever happened. He focused hard on the blades, trying to compare them to the cuts on Tamaki's arm. He shuddered at the picture he was recalling to the front of his mind. They didn't match, the cuts were single and spaced too far apart. The razor couldn't do that. He put it down and looked again. He had to have been using something, those marks didn't just happen to appear one morning then start to get worse. Finding nothing he showered, he wanted to leave for the hospital soon, he could look again later.

When he got out of the shower he walked to his sink lifting his toothbrush up from it's holder. He looked at the holder again when something shiny caught his eye. It was a pair of scissors that he forgot were even there. The only reason he kept them there was if he had a loose string that needed to be cut or something along those lines. When he lifted them up he wasn't surprised to have found what he was looking for. The thin blade was the width of the new marks he saw and the tip was still sharp enough to pierce the skin. At a closer look he could see marks of rust forming by the blade, a sign that they were used frequently. Knowing Tamaki he would use water to wash them if anything at all. The water would have probably never been dried off so it would stay on the blade and rust. If Tamaki didn't check for rust then he would have cut himself with the rust going to directly into the bloodstream. No wonder he was so sick, he had done a lot of stupid things lately. Walking out of the bathroom he threw them out.

Kyoya arrived at the hospital before the others like he planned. He figured none of them would attend classes today so he wouldn't have a ton of time alone with Tamaki. When he walked into the room he noticed Yuzuru standing over his sons bed.  
"Ah Kyoya, I need to thank you, for I was told your the one that brought my son here."  
"Thank you Yuzuru-san though I feel it is out of place. I have been around Tamaki a lot lately so I feel I should have noticed sooner."  
"Nonsense, you are not Tamaki's guardian, he should have gone to see a doctor sooner." He looked down at his arm, "and I feel he wouldn't be here with us now if he didn't have you."  
Kyoya stood there surprised by his statement, he never thought about it but maybe Yuzuru was right. Perhaps Tamaki wouldn't still be alive, maybe he had helped save his life. Yuzuru stepped away from the bed, "If you will excuse me a minute I need something to help keep me going this morning." He walked past Kyoya leaving the two alone. Tamaki was still unconscious, Kyoya wasn't sure if that was the doctors doing or not. He sat down next to the bed and pulled out the note he found last night from his pocket.

"Tamaki, I found this note last night, I want to talk to you about it. For you see I'm confused, how could you say that you love me, but then right before tell you were on a plane and we probably wouldn't talk again for years?" He knew Tamaki wouldn't answer but he felt better getting it off his chest for now until they could talk properly. He reached over and grabbed his good hand. " Know that if you stay here with me there will be some changes. I won't be so blind to see you hurting and you will have to start talking to me." He sat there holding tightly to his hand until he heard the door open. Haruhi walked in followed by the twins. The three of them took a moment to fully walk in, all saddened by the state Tamaki was in. Kyoya stood to offer Haruhi his seat, Hikaru kept his eyes from looking at Tamaki until he stood behind her. Kyoya walked around to cover his arm. He planned on staying true to his word and not tell the others. But he would make Tamaki tell them when he was able. Kaoru walked over to Kyoya, "Hikaru is pretty upset that the lord lied about not feeling well." He tried to whisper but Hikaru still figured it out.  
"I don't get why he wouldn't say anything, Haruhi practically called him out but he still lied." Kaoru looked down at the ground, Kyoya could tell he felt same way as his brother. He couldn't blame them, he felt the same way last night. Haruhi grabbed Tamaki's hand, "I think he did it to protect us, I don't know how right I am but I felt like he has been trying to keep his distance from us."  
Once again Haruhi was on the money,Kyoya expected nothing less from her though.

"I don't get why he would do that though! I mean he considers us his family so why lie, why push us away?" Hikaru turned away from them, trying not to blow up. Kaoru walked to him to help calm him down. Haruhi mouthed that he had been like this the entire ride.

Soon Mitsukuni and Mori walked in, Hunny ran to the bedside where Haruhi was. He was in tears before he even saw Tamaki. Mori stood by Kyoya, Kaoru had asked what took them so long to come in, their cars had followed each other. "I wanted to try to calm Mitsukuni down before we walked in." He looked at Mitsukuni crying on Haruhi's lap.

"Is Tama-chan going to be okay? Haru-chan, he is going to get better right?" Haruhi tried to get him to calm down but he wouldn't stop crying. Mori looked at Kyoya ready for some answers. When he cleared his throat Hunny turned to look at him wiping the falling tears away,  
"Tamaki has a high fever due to stress and an old untreated wound he got from broken glass." He touched the bandage on his head. "This he got the other night when he slipped on the rug in my bathroom and hit the marble floor."

Before anyone could say anything Yuzuru walked back in with Dr. Yamada behind him. The doctor was introduced to everyone before he went over what happened the night before.  
"His fever hasn't dropped but it hasn't increased either, we did decide to help drop the fever quicker and help his body recover faster, to keep him in an induced coma. If he gets worse and we fear he will fall into that state we will take him out of it." Everyone was silent, all you could hear was Mitsukuni was crying again.

After a few hours everyone had calmed down and talking amongst themselves. Yuzuru had taken the day off from all his meetings to spend it at the hospital, everyone else knew it was too late to go to school. Besides they all knew they wouldn't have been able to concentrate. Haruhi was talking to Yuzuru about school, Kyoya was next to him. Hunny had stayed close to her when Mori stepped out for a moment. Hunny tensed up as Yuzuru looked up, A woman was standing in the doorway. Everyone looked and caught their breath. It was Tamaki's grandmother, the last person everyone expected to see, or for that matter the last person they wanted to see.  
"Mother, I take it your meeting ended early?"  
"It had to be canceled, the meeting could only happen with Tamaki present." She walked in more, she looked disgusted by what she saw. "How long will he be like this?" Kyoya was happy he covered Tamaki's arm, he knew if she found out it would cause problems for him when he woke up.  
"The doctor says his fever must drop to a safe level first, we aren't sure how long that will take."  
"Then I shall have to postpone his trip until he recovers enough to travel. He is going to cost me a significant amount of money for doing this, I will expect him to pay it back as soon as possible. Also make sure the press doesn't catch news of this, I don't feel like dealing with them." Everyone was biting their tongues, how dare she be so cruel? She had to realize that Tamaki hadn't planned on getting sick. And what was this "trip" she was talking about? They were glad Yuzuru was there so they didn't have to deal with her but they still couldn't believe her attitude.  
"If need be I will go in Tamaki's place so nothing falls behind. He can join me when he is able and then when he is set up I can come back here."  
"Your son needs to learn consequences, setting things back because of him will teach him that lesson. Besides he is set to leave Friday morning, his schooling will fall behind greatly if he misses that day. I went to great lengths to have him accepted on short notice, no, he will have to pay the price himself for this." She turned to leave the room, Haruhi moved away from Kyoya. She faced the grandmothers back.  
"Are you looking at the same person that we are? Tamaki is fighting for his life right now as we speak and all you can think about is money, punishment, and the press! Where are your priorities?" Everyone looked at Haruhi except the person she was speaking to, who continued to walk out of the room mumbling something under her breath. As soon as she was gone from their sights Haruhi apologized to Yuzuru for her outburst.  
"Do not worry Miss Fujioka, I shall think no less of you, with all that has happened in the last twenty-four hours one is bound to act out." Even forgiven though she stayed relatively quiet for the remaining time of her visit.

After the surprise visit the doctor came back and had them separate into groups of three. Tamaki was in ICU and for the other patients safety only three could be in the room at a time. They decided Haruhi, Hunny, and Mori would be one. Kaoru, Hikaru, and Kyoya would be the other. They would use these groups for future visits as well. When they were giving Yuzuru some time and a chance for everyone to get something to eat Hikaru asked something that had been bugging him for awhile. The others reactions showed that it had been on there's as well.  
"Kyoya do you anything about this trip?" Kyoya figured someone would ask sooner or later. They had a right to guess that he would know something, he usually did. He told them everything he knew just short of Tamaki's depression and showing them the note but he did mention it.

"So Haruhi had been right in assuming the lord was keeping his distance. In hopes the space created would make it easier for all of us when he left? He had to have realized it it wouldn't though." Hikaru knew he asked a rhetorical question but he had to ask it anyway,  
"That's just like Tama-chan though, he always thinks of others before himself, no matter what it costs him. He thinks he is helping us by not making us sad, he knew we would worry about him and be saddened by the news. We all know he didn't want that."  
Kaoru looked up from the table, "Maybe he was worried we'd stop him if we found out. From the way his grandmother talked I get the feeling he couldn't refuse her. We all know she holds the fate of his mother in her hands as well as his. Her dislike towards him makes him do anything he can to please her and to change her thoughts on him."

After they all left the hospital for the night they thought about what they said earlier. They could see there was a much bigger picture then what they were seeing and until Tamaki recovered they would not see it all.

0o0o0

_I hope these two chapters hold you over for a while. I need to plan the coming chapters well to make it all work. Happy Holidays, I hope to start the New Year with an amazing chapter for everyone.  
~Femalefighter~_


	9. Dark Before Dawn

Chapter 9

**Dark before Dawn**

**Disclaimer-**I own nothing!

Every noise was heard; every touch felt. He couldn't respond to any of it. He wanted to answer them, console them but he was trapped in darkness. He felt hot, everything was burning. Was he dead? Was this hell? He felt like crying, so scared and alone. Never able to tell the ones he loved good-bye. Tears wouldn't fall from his eyes, they burned like everything else. When would this end, all this pain? If this was a dream why couldn't he wake up? He heard screaming echo in the darkness yet he couldn't place its source. Something else was echoing, a thumping, it was getting louder and louder, faster and faster. The pain got harder to handle and the heat made it hard to breath, what little he could see blurred then there was nothing.

***silence***

Kyoya bolted up, something was going off in his bed. He looked around to see his cell phone going off. Only one number would be calling him at this hour. "Tamaki!" he fumbled to connect the call. "Hello Kyoya-kun, I was instructed to inform you about patient Suoh, Tamaki."  
_*Oh God no, please don't tell me! Tamaki please be okay! * _he listened to the woman as he reached for his bed lamp to find his glasses. As he hung up with her he rushed to change out of his pajamas and to have a car waiting.

His heart raced as the car went as fast as it could without speeding. Kyoya felt that now was one of those moments it should though. Tamaki wasn't doing well; his body temperature had gone back up only now it was higher, close to hitting 107.30. Kyoya could only pray he wouldn't give up. That his body would fight longer. It had to, Tamaki couldn't leave him alone in the world. When he arrived he ran to the room. Dr. Yamada was over him with a few other doctors and nurses. Without being told he turned and walked out. He had only seen Tamaki for a split second but he had seen enough. He walked into the waiting room, just making it to a seat before his legs gave out. He body shook from the tears pouring from his eyes. The room was empty but even if it hadn't been he would have cried anyway. When he had walked in the doctors had a defibrillator hooked up and electro-shocking his heart in attempts to restart it. His body had given up, it fought for too long.  
"Tamaki, please come back, stay alive, you have to stay alive."

It seemed like hours had passed before the doors to the waiting room opened. It wasn't any of the doctors he had been hoping for. Yuzuru had walked in, his eyes looked puffy from crying or from lack of sleep, probably both. He fell into a seat across from Kyoya. Kyoya looked at the clock to see it was only one-fifteen; he had only been here for twenty minutes. Neither spoke a word but a silent conversation took place. Soon the doors opened again, both looked up worried about what the doctor had to say.  
"We did all we could," Both people froze already knowing the coming words. "and he is a strong person, we were able get his heart going again, it was back up to a steady rhythm in no time. We won't know if he has memory loss until we can run tests in the morning but you can see him if you like. I must ask you don't stay too long in regard to the other patients and Tamaki will need to get some rest as well." Both men followed the doctor to his room, a nurse was writing something on his chart. Tamaki's eyes were closed, his head was tense on his pillow. The breathing mask was off but hung loosely above him, as if to show that he would need it again soon.

Kyoya hung to the back of the room to give Yuzuru space. He would have stayed in the other room but he needed to see with his own eyes that Tamaki was still breathing. Yuzuru whispered to Tamaki, one couldn't hear if the other was talking back or not.  
"Father, what are you doing here? Isn't it really late or something, the nurse said it was two thirty I thought?" The older man just shook his head as if to disapprove of the others question.  
"I was worried about you Tamaki, getting a phone call in the early morning that my only son's heart was failing doesn't allow one to roll over back to bed."

"I'm sorry to be such trouble for you." The words were barely audible; his mouth was dry and felt hot.  
"What are you talking about Tamaki, I should be apologizing. I haven't been around as much as I should, but know that I'm here for you, so next time come talk to me before something like this happens." He lifted up his arm to prove his words. Tamaki looked away ashamed, he felt like he had let his father down.  
"I'm sorry father, for not saying anything." He stopped for a moment to catch his breath and clear his throat. Something dawned on him, his mind recalled an event, it was hazy but he felt bad about something with it.  
"Father, next week, is everything going to get screwed up?"

Yuzuru stood up and let go of his hand.  
"Don't worry about that, when you're feeling better we will talk."  
"He looked back at Kyoya who moved forward. He walked out of the room leaving Kyoya and Tamaki alone to talk.  
"Kyoya I'm so..."

"Shut up Tamaki!" Kyoya managed to keep his voice down but his tone sharp. Tamaki winced at its harshness but knew he caused Kyoya so much pain, he had every right to be angry with him. Kyoya reached into his pocket and threw down a piece of paper into his lap. Tamaki looked down at it, it took a moment for his eyes to focus on it.

"How did you find this?" He tried and failed to keep his voice from cracking.  
"It slipped from a book." his tone lessened, to see Tamaki up brought him such joy and relief. He had been unconscious for days, Kyoya had been so worried that he would only get sicker as his temperature stayed high. While it hadn't gone down much and Tamaki could still be in danger he felt the worst was over.

"Tamaki, how do you feel?"  
He looked up from the paper still folded on his lap.  
"Kyoya, I'm sorry for all I put you through. I hope you can forgive me, if not now then one day."  
He rested his head on his pillow and closed his eyes. He knew he was going to cry, even if everything hurt and his eyes burned from being dry he couldn't deny how he felt. How sad he felt for making Kyoya go through all he had. He opened his eyes when he felt something by his hand, it wasn't strong but he felt something there.  
"Tamaki your such an idiot you know that right? I'm not able to stay mad at you but this only holds true so long as you stay with me. You're never allowed to leave me like you did earlier do you understand?" Even in his haze he understood perfectly. The doctors had informed him when he opened his eyes that they had brought him back to life. Not even speaking technically though, Kyoya had been the most important person in his life since he met him, the thought of that ever changing made his heart break. Both knew his answer as the heart monitor shortly beeped with an increase in beats.

Yuzuru walked back in. Tamaki needed sleep, his body was exhausted. They said their good-byes to him, as Kyoya walked out he heard Tamaki whisper as loud as he could, "Je t'aime, Kyoya, mon ami." He closed his eyes and allowed the medication to settle in to help him sleep.

"_Je t'aime, Tamaki."_

_0o0o0o_

_I know it's short, but I got stuck writing it and I'm still stuck in a few ways. I had to finish because I loved this chapter and wanted to share it. I wasn't going to kill Tamaki but I got the idea and it worked so I went with it. But I brought him back so I hope you don't hate me. This is my Christmas/ belated Hanukkah/ other holiday present to you. Oh yea before I forget I have a cool side story for this coming out for the new year. :)_

_~Femalefighter~_


	10. Calling To Confess

Chapter 10

**Calling To Confess**

**Disclaimer-** I own nothing!

When Tamaki opened his eyes he didn't expect to see the Host club around him. He thought they would be upset with him for lying about a lot of things. He had hoped that he could create space, push them away, far enough so they could let him go but still close enough that when he was able to, they could become friends again. That plan didn't work well if they were here, Haruhi looked troubled but Hikaru looked upset. A sharp pain went through his heart when he saw Haruhi's face. He never wanted them to worry, his hand tightened he tried to shake off the thought. He had to stop, that's what got him here.  
"Hi...everyone...I'm sorry for everything," his voice cracked and was hoarse. He had never been so sorry and upset before. Haruhi looked away scared to open her mouth, Tamaki looked at Hikaru as he stepped away from Kaoru.  
"If you're sorry you shouldn't have done it! We know everything! How could you never tell us you were leaving? Never going to say good-bye. After everything you've done for us and you were just going to leave! It's not fair!"

"I'm sorry Hikaru, it was for the best." He couldn't lock eyes with him, his body ached as he tried to push the thought from his mind, he couldn't do it, not with his promise and not with everyone here.  
"How was it for the best, huh? Please enlighten me!"  
"Enough Hikaru! Can't you see he is in pain? You're not helping!" Haruhi was on her feet trying to calm him down. "Senpai's heart is racing, if you continue to argue with him you're only going to make him sick again!" He stepped away from her, turned and stormed out of the room. Kaoru followed after him scared he would do something stupid.  
"We'll come back when he settles down, I hope we didn't upset you, we do want you to get better, we have all been worried about you, especially Hikaru." Haruhi walked out of the room in hopes to find the twins. Tamaki pulled his hand out from under the sheets, he would do anything to get rid of this feeling, he grabbed his wrist maybe the pain and pressure of his other hand would make it stop.  
"Are you okay Tamaki?" he looked up to see Kyoya walking in. "I tried to get Hikaru to wait to see you but of course he couldn't listen."  
"He has every right to be mad at me after all I've done."  
Kyoya noticed his hands as he sat next to the bed, "Something wrong with your hand, you better not be hiding something."

He shook his head 'no', "I can't get my hand to stop bothering me, why do I feel like I have to take something to my wrist?"

Kyoya separated Tamaki's hands, taking hold of his right hand within his own. "Your body knows that your upset, you need to train your body to find a new way to cope, it's like breaking an addiction."  
"I feel odd though, can it affect my mind?" He tightened his grip as much as he could, his arm still had nerve problems, and the doctors were going to try to repair them in a few days. He knew it was for the best but he wanted it to be a reminder of his actions.  
"I'm scared Kyoya, what if I'm not strong enough?"  
"You won't fight alone Tamaki, you have me, I'm sure the others would help too, we both know they will forgive you,"  
Tears welled up in his eyes, fighting them back a few managed to fall down his face. Kyoya took his free hand to wipe them away.  
"What about when I'm alone in America, I'll have no one, Kyoya when I leave I'm never allowed to contact anyone here. I'm going to be under strict watch to make sure I follow that rule." Kyoya's eyes widened, he had no idea that they wouldn't be able to talk, but that explained the note * I promise to contact you as soon as I'm able* it wasn't saying when he was settled it meant once his grandmother passed away. Both knew Yuzuru would lift that rule. Neither noticed the others walk back to the room Mitsukuni and Mori had joined them. Kyoya stood and released his hand, he grabbed his shoulders and locked eyes.  
"If you go as you are now you will die!" The words came seething out if his mouth, for as upset as he was with Tamaki for agreeing to such terms it was nothing compared to what he felt towards the grandmother.

No one said anything, they only heard a segment of the conversation but it was enough, they knew. Kyoya stepped back as the tears fell faster down Tamaki's face. He looked up to see the others standing in the doorway. He wiped away the new tears.  
"Tamaki, it's time they knew everything, the more you hide it the worse you will get. But you already knew that."  
Kyoya sat back down, Tamaki looked at his wrist, it's message echoed through him.  
"Your right Kyoya," He looked at them to have them come closer, as hard as it was going to be he knew he had to do it. There was no more excuses.

"There is something I should have told you from the beginning, I hope that once you know why I did what I did, you can forgive me."  
He stopped, Kyoya grabbed his hand to help give him strength, Haruhi grabbed his left.  
"As you know I am to leave for America, Friday March 4th. I am to finish my schooling there so that I may run the new branch of Ouran." He knew they knew this already but if he started from the beginning maybe he would have the courage to say everything.  
"Upon my leaving I would have to cut all ties to everyone I know here. I had to end all ties before I left but...I just couldn't do it." He let the tears fall knowing he wouldn't be able to get them to stop. "If I was caught contacting anyone for any reason then my mother would be cut off from funding. My grandmother said she would cut off everything for her if I disobeyed or caused a delay." He tightened the grip on Kyoya as Haruhi tightened hers, Hikaru looked down at the ground feeling guilty for yelling. Kaoru gripped the bed railing to help balance his emotions while Mori kept Mitsukuni in his grasp.  
"My mother fell ill shortly before I was told of the transfer, I can't have her medication money be taken away, if she can't see a doctor then she could..." he stopped he couldn't say it, the thought alone was bad enough. Haruhi felt for him, she knew what it was like to lose a parent, to watch as they got sick yet you can't do much. If she was put in Tamaki's shoes back then she would have probably done the same thing.

"There has to a way that we could get you to stay with us and let your mother have financial security." Kaoru looked at his brother, he looked so determined. "Tamaki I'm, sorry for getting upset before, you were just following orders."

Tamaki just nodded, he freed his hand from Kyoya for a moment and wiped his tears. He noticed what he did when he heard Haruhi gasp. He quickly tried to hid his hand.  
"Tamaki-senpai, your wrist."

He didn't say anything; he didn't know what to say. No words could explain his reasoning for doing something so stupid. Now that he knew the consequences of his actions a part of him wished he could go back and fix it, have it never happen, but he knew he needed this to happen so he could always look back and remember. To have this never happen again, to let him grow in body and soul so his friends would never have to see him like this again.

Kyoya helped change the subject, Tamaki wasn't going to say anything, words weren't going to help any. "So Tamaki any idea when you'll leave here?"

"No, the doctors want me to do something and I keep refusing so they want to continue to watch me. Besides they still want to try and repair my arm."  
"What do they want you to do Tama-chan? If it helps you get better than why not?"  
"I just won't be put on medication, I know it's pros and cons and to me the cons outweigh the pros."  
He looked at Kyoya, "I know you probably think it's stupid but I just can't do it."  
"Senpai, what about seeing a psychologist? Would they allow that in place of medication?"  
"They want me to do both, but I told them I would only do the one."  
Hikaru waved Kaoru off while he tried to figure something out. "Okay I get that but something else has me confused; you said you were leaving March fourth, that's only a few days away. So are they making you leave on Friday still?"  
Tamaki stared blankly at Hikaru, what was he saying? He remembered collapsing at Kyoya's and that was last Friday, so it should only be Sunday.  
"What is today's date?" Everyone looked at each other, had no one told him all that had happened? Tamaki looked so confused at them, why wouldn't they answer? "Mori?"  
"Tamaki today is Tuesday March first, you were hospitalized late Friday night but you were unconscious until Monday night."  
"Kyoya is this true? Have I really been unconscious all that time? I knew the doctors had revived me but I thought it was when I first arrived..." He became quiet his mind trying to process everything. His head was starting to hurt again. If it really was Tuesday than he only had until Thursday to be released or his mother would be in danger.  
"I think it's time we go, senpai looks exhausted, but before we do, may I tell the ladies that your doing well. They have been so worried about you missing school." The others smiled at Haruhi's question knowing the girls had gotten so worried when Tamaki didn't go to school and hadn't been in school.  
"Yes, tell them I hope to see them soon, and that I'm sorry that I made them worry."  
With that she nodded and everyone said their good-byes. Kyoya walked out with the others but promised he would be back in a few minutes after he made a phone call.

When he walked out of the room Dr. Yamada was standing at the nurses' station going over a patients chart. At least he didn't have to search long.  
"Dr. Yamada-san can I talk to you when you have a moment?" The doctor handed the chart to the nurse and the two walked away from the station.

"Is there any way to persuade the family Tamaki would be released to that he can't travel out of the country?"  
"No, while I do know of the family's plan and as his doctor I don't approve of it, once he is handed over to them they can do as they please. My advice means nothing."  
Kyoya figured as much but he had to try.  
"That is the reason I'm trying to push the medication, Tamaki is very likely to relapse if he isn't careful and any new stress may be too much for him."  
He thanked the doctor and pulled out his phone, only one person could help Tamaki now.

Tamaki kept his eyes closed as he heard the doctor huff. He knew why the numbers were so scattered because his emotions were scattered.  
"You don't want me to medicate you but these numbers aren't helping you."  
"Once I leave here I would just stop taking them anyway." Dr. Yamada huffed again, knowing he would say that. "Tamaki once you leave here I can't monitor you, I want to make sure your okay to leave and be alone."  
"I know, but I must keep everything on track, I can't allow this...illness to stop that, and I can't let the public know I'm on medication." Dr, Yamada could hear the regret and sadness in his voice. He was pushing himself hard to not let anything change what had been laid out for him. He was killing himself and it was heartbreaking to watch.  
"Your set for surgery tomorrow morning, if all goes well and as planned we can release you Friday morning before your flight." He didn't want to do it but he didn't have a choice there was no way to change Tamaki's mind.

Kyoya said good-bye to the person on the other end of the line and closed the phone. He didn't buy a ton of time but it was enough for now. He walked back into the room; Tamaki looked somber from all that weighed heavily on his mind. His face was starting to look better though, now that his fever had finally dropped to a safe level his cheeks had a soft tone to them again.  
"Kyoya, I know I'm being stupid but I don't know what to do. How do I save her?"  
"Tamaki, you need to save yourself first. Your mother will be fine."  
"But how can you be sure, I know she is the one being punished again and I can stop it."  
"Trust me Tamaki, if you promise me that you will help yourself I can help your mother."  
"Kyoya are you sure you want to do that? And I have a question for you; if I leave school for a while and maybe do a summer program would you support me? As it turns out I'm failing most of my classes. I'm about two months behind with homework; I don't have it in me to continue. Not right now anyway."  
"That's probably for the best if you wait until the fall to go back to Ouran. Yes, I'll support that decision."  
Tamaki faintly smiled before his eyes shut and he fell asleep.

Yuzuru held the phone to his ear as he waited for the person he seeked to come to the phone.  
"Hello? Anne Sophie I hope your well. Yes, that is good to hear...I'm coming there to get you..."

0o0o0o

I'm sooooo stuck it's not funny. I'm going to try and update again before the new year but I need something to inspire me first. I still love this story but when I got the idea for it I never really knew where I was going with it so now I'm stuck. Hope you liked this chapter, I have a feeling I'll re-do it.

~Femalefighter~


	11. Pulling From Pain

Chapter 11

**Pulling from Pain**

**Disclaimer-** I own nothing!

PLEASE READ THIS, THIS CHAPTER WAS DONE DIFFERENTLY!

There is a spot in this chapter where the language isn't English! when you see this FFFF then the language isn't English to read it in English scroll down until you see the paragraph breaks EEEEE. The language will go back to all English after you see EEEE after the paragraph. Hope you understand and enjoy the chapter, I know I sure did.

~Femalefighter~

Tamaki stood up, flanked by two doctors and Kyoya in case his legs were weak from inactivity. His right arm was held up in a splint from the surgery. He couldn't use the hand for a couple of months until he completed physical therapy but overall it went well. Dr. Yamada, holding true to his word got Tamaki ready to be released. Kyoya was asked by Yuzuru to get him and stay at his estate until he was free to go visit.  
"Here are your belonging Suoh-kun." A nurse handed him a bag with a few items he had on him when he arrived aside from the clothing. Tamaki thanked all the nurses and doctors as he stepped into the waiting car.

"How do you feel Tamaki, to finally being able going home?" He smiled weakly at Kyoya.  
"Nervous actually, at the hospital I wasn't able to get my hands on anything but at home I could go back to my old ways." Kyoya watched as Tamaki's hand shook slightly, he was really worried about what would happen now.  
"You will do fine, you won't be alone so still won't be able to get your hands on anything."  
"Thank you Kyoya, I mean it, for everything. I don't think I would here now if you weren't my friend."  
Kyoya's heart skipped a beat at his words, while he didn't feel worthy of such praise he would take it to heart. "Don't thank me yet, the test has only just begun."

When Tamaki arrived at his manor Shima was waiting by the door.  
"It's good to see you are well Master Tamaki."  
"Thank you Shima, we will be in my room, could you please have tea brought up?"  
"Of course, shall I have someone get you when it's time to go?"  
Tamaki froze and slowly nodded 'yes.' He had tried to pull the thought from his mind earlier, this reminder of what was in store made his body shake. Shima hadn't noticed as she turned and walked into the rest of the house.  
"Come on Tamaki, let's go inside."  
"Ye...yea okay." He slowly got his feet to move again and carry him upstairs.

He had just gotten to his bed when Antoinette ran into the room. She made a beeline for the bed knocking him back to lick his face. A maid walked in holding a tray with the tea,  
"I'm sorry Master, I just couldn't get her to stay with me."  
All that could be heard was muffled laughing as Tamaki's face was covered with kisses.  
"Ow, ow, Antoinette my arm, ow!" She jumped down and stepped away from the bed scared she hurt him. The maid placed down the tray and held her back. "I told you to stay with me, I hope your not hurt master. Antoinette you need to listen better."  
Tamaki sat up and fixed the sling, "I'm fine she didn't do anything. I've made her worry about me... I missed you too girl." Her tail spun as she tried to lunge for him again. The maid held her back laughing.

Once the maid was able to calm her down she helped Tamaki wrap his arm so he could shower without fear of it getting wet. Kyoya sat by the window to wait for Tamaki to get out. He felt his phone go off and wasn't surprised by the caller.  
"What can I do for you Haruhi?"  
The caller was silent for a moment as if she was surprised the person she sought out actually answered.  
"Kyoya-senpai I'm just confirming everything for later. Is everything still set or has something changed?"

"No, continue with what was planned, I'll be there later."  
"Okay, I'll inform the others than. We'll see you later."  
They said good-bye and he closed the phone to place it back in his pocket. He had no sooner rested his head against the window pane when something crashed to the floor. He noticed nothing in the room fell, Antoinette had picked her head off up from the bed from the noise as well.  
"Tamaki!" He jumped off the ledge to the bathroom. The door was unlocked when he grabbed the handle. Tamaki was on the floor his legs under him, he was hunched over as his body trembled. Bottles were scattered on the floor along with glass jar Tamaki used to clean his hair combs. The glass was scattered away from where he sat but that explained the sound he heard. He rushed in and grabbed Tamaki. His shirt unbuttoned, the sleeves wet from something. He looked up at Kyoya, tears had overtaken his eyes. "I can't...I can't go...don't want...I...don't...want...to...say...goodbye." Kyoya pushed Tamaki's head into his chest. " Ssh it will be okay, trust me."  
"No...it won't...it will never be okay...not unless your with me." He pushed his head deeper into his chest muffling his words. "Because I...I love you." Kyoya pulled away slightly to lift his chin, to lock eyes.  
"What did you say?" Tamaki pulled away to bring his knees to his chest. The steady stream of tears turned into hiccuped sobs.  
"I_ *hiccup*_ love you"  
"I thought so."  
"I'm sorry, I know that it could effect our relationship and our families won't approve and..." He was cut off by arms wrapping around him.  
"Everything will work out, I promise, Aimer victorieux tous, right?"

"K...Kyoya, what are you saying?"

"Oh Tamaki you really are an idiot, I'm saying I love you too." He signed and removed his hands so he could stand up. He extended his out to Tamaki, "Let's get you dressed, I don't think you want to leave the house like that."  
Tamaki grabbed his hand and stood up, he looked down to see his khaki pants were wet and covered in something from one of the broken jars. His shirt was now all wrinkled, with a few spots of water from his hair. It took him awhile to change without help. He only gave in when it came to his shirt. Kyoya laughed as Tamaki gave in to getting help. The buttons were proving to be difficult with only one hand.  
"I don't see why I'm dressing up for a flight, I want to wear all black."  
"Tamaki I'm surprised to hear those words come from your mouth and I can't see you wearing all black."  
Tamaki stared at him ready to say something but closed it before anything came out.

A knock came from the door, Tamaki yelled for whoever it was to come in.  
"Sir, the car is ready for you so whenever your ready...she stopped and stared at him, "Would you like some help fixing your hair master?" Tamaki looked at Kyoya who was fighting back the urge to laugh,  
"What's wrong with my hair?" The maid grabbed a mirror off the dresser to show him. The back was all knotted and the right side was being consumed by fly aways. The maid sat him down grabbing his hairdryer in one hand, and his brush and spray bottle with the other. Within five minutes she was finishing up.  
"Does this look okay?" He held up the mirror, his hair was as smooth as ever. Not a single strand out of place. He wasn't sure how she did it but he was grateful.  
"My hair looks fantastic, thank you...I don't think it's ever looked to vibrate."  
"Your welcome sir, it's all in how you work the brush and dryer I think. Glad you like it."

She smiled brightly at him and he hoped he mirrored her smile back.  
"Are you ready Tamaki?" Kyoya grabbed their coats as Tamaki slowly stood and looked around the room, taking everything in for the last time. He walked out of the room behind Kyoya, he looked at everything he passed, trying to suppress the tears he could feel trying to break through.

When he got to the limo he did all he could to keep busy. So long as his mind stayed active he could forget what he was doing.  
"You need to relax Tamaki."  
"Yea..your right...I'm worrying to much." He sat back in the chair and closed his eyes. Kyoya watched as his left moved as if he was playing the piano. It never dawned on him how much not playing affected him. At least he had an interest in playing again, that was a good sign. He seemed so drawn into his dream Kyoya felt bad disturbing him.  
"Tamaki we are here." He gently brushed his hand. He sat up and looked at the window next to him.  
"We are here already, that was fa..." he stopped as he saw Ouran in his view.

"Kyoya what are we doing here?" His voice cracked, he was excited and scared, he wasn't sure he could handle saying good-bye to everyone. He noticed the festival going on meaning everyone, guest and host would be there. "Kyoya, why are we here..please don't make me go out there...I'm begging."

Kyoya could see the fear and sadness shining in his eyes. Those lilac eyes could never hide what he was feeling. He grabbed his hand holding it tightly in his grasp.  
"Please relax Tamaki, it isn't what you think. Trust me, now get out of the car." He leaned over and opened the door to push him out. He exited the other and walked around. Slowly they made their way to the courtyard where the Host Club had set up. Music played throughout the area and the center was filled with couples dancing.  
"The culture experience was a success don't you think Tamaki?" Kyoya turned to see Tamaki stare open-mouthed. The courtyard had been divided into at least twenty different cultures. People were trying on different clothing styles, others were experimenting food. One girl waving was her hand in front of her mouth after eating something spicy from one section he couldn't read the sign too.  
"Senpai!" "Tama-chan!" Both men turned to see Haruhi and Mitsukuni come running towards them. Haruhi was in a blue and purple Victorian-era French outfit, her hair was left short but looked to be styled to fit the costume better. Mitsukuni had a brightly colored Spanish costume on. His idea to keep the club members in older clothing worked well it seemed.  
"Tamaki-senpai your here! Mori-senpai thought he saw your car pull up!"  
"Tama-chan are you okay? Everything is going well, the ladies love your idea." Tamaki nodded as Mitsukuni grabbed his good hand and started to drag him to the others.  
"Mitsukuni, I don't think I want to..."He was cut off by girls saying his name. Soon he was surrounded by his customers asking how he was feeling and what happened to his arm. He glanced at Kyoya who wasn't going to help him so he quickly made up a story about having a bad case of the flu and he hurt his arm falling down a flight of stairs from his fever. The girls let it go at that helping him relax a little, he knew none of the other club members would say anything so his secret of what actually happened would be safe.

Tamaki had been with everyone for a while, and he knew what he had to do. He couldn't push it back any longer. He stepped on the makeshift podium and stared down at the hosts and the daily clients. He cleared his throat as he locked eyes with Kyoya. His eyes helped send the courage he needed to speak to all the wondering eyes staring up at him.  
"Starting tomorrow I will no longer be attending Ouran. I am taking some time off for personal reasons and won't be returning until sometime of my junior year. The Host Club shall remain intact so long as the members want to continue it." Everyone stood frozen in their spots. Even the Host Club was surprised, they had no idea what Tamaki was going to say when he walked up there but that wasn't what they thought. Tamaki knew he had lied again but he didn't want to really upset everyone. With this they could let him go with the thought that they would see him around. When he stepped down Hikaru and Kaoru ran to him.  
"Your leaving Ouran? Why not stay and let us help you?" Tamaki couldn't say anything at first. This wasn't something words could easily fix.  
"I need to take things slow for a while, it's nothing personal Hikaru, please try to understand." Hikaru couldn't say anything more for Kyoya had walked up to them.  
"The chairman is looking for you Tamaki." He followed Kyoya to where Yuzuru was standing.  
"I'm surprised to see you here Tamaki, you know all that is resting on your shoulders."  
"Sorry sir, I'll leave right away, your right coming here was a mistake." He turned to leave when he heard his father speak to him again.  
"Are you prepared to leave it all behind? The dreams, the memories, friendships, are you ready to make that sacrifice? I don't think you are."  
He turned around again fighting back the storm of emotions crashing through him.  
"Of course I'm not, I'm not like you I can't just turn around and do what is asked! Not without guilt and anguish! From the day I was born I was always told I had to do what ever was asked of me to make up for what I am and everyday I struggle with what is right and what my heart tells me! I'm not like you father, I can't just walk out on my family because you were told to, I'm doing this so my mother doesn't have to suffer anymore then she already has!" His face became flustered as tears fell again. Yuzuru stood surprised, not expecting a reaction like this from his son, Kyoya fought the smile he was feeling. Tamaki finally decided to show what his heart had been hiding from everyone.

FFFFFF

"René, ma chère enfant, regardez combien vous avez grandi." Tamaki froze at the voice behind him, only one person would call him that.  
"Mère." He turned to see his mother standing next to Kyoya. Her blonde hair curled at the ends and falling next to her face. Her slender frame showing with a thin sweater coat and a long patterned skirt.  
"ll est vrament toi." His features softened as he took her in. "Mère..." he ran to her wrapping his arm tightly around her. He took in the floral scent, the same one he remembered from his childhood. All those memories came back to him. He pulled away to look at her face.  
"Que fais-tu ici?"  
"J'etais inquiète à ton sujet, j'ai été dit que vous étiez malade." She looked at his arm as if to prove her point. "Qu'en est-il votre sante? J'ai entendu dire que vous sentez pas bien."

"Je vais bien, vous êtas souriant. Se souvenir de mon petit René, tant que vous partagez votre joie autour á tous je suis heureux et souriants." She looked around at all the people at the festival all with smiles on their faces, enjoying whatever they were involved in. "Je pense que vous avez fait un travail remarquable dans la diffusion de la joie aux autres, c'est pourquoi je me sens si bien." He knew he was crying again but he didn't care, the most important person in his life was in his arms. He never expected to see her again, not after he was told she had disappeared after he moved to Japan.  
"Je t'aime maman, tellement!"  
"Je t'aime trop, René."

After a few moments they pulled apart again, he took her hand in his and held it tight.  
"Tamaki how would you like to live with your mother again?"

He looked at Kyoya, a puzzled look came across his face. "Can I really? But how?"

EEEEE

"René, my dear child, look how much you have grown."

Tamaki froze at the voice behind him, only one person would call him that.  
"Mother?" He turned to see his mother standing next to Kyoya. Her blonde hair curled at the ends and falling next to her face. Her slender frame showing with a thin sweater coat and long patterned skirt.  
"It's really you." His features softened as he took her in. "Mother..." He ran to her wrapping his arm tightly around her. He took in the floral scent, the same one he remembered as a child. All those memories came back to him. He pulled away to look at her face, as soft and bright as it had ever been.  
"What are you doing here?"  
"I was worried about you, I was told you were very sick." She looked at his arm as if to prove her point, even though it was covered and she couldn't see the marks on it.  
"What about your health? I heard you weren't feeling well?"  
"I'm fine, you are smiling. Remember my little René , so long as you share your joy around to everyone I'm smiling and happy." She looked around at all the people at the festival all with smiles on their faces, enjoying whatever they were involved in. " I think you have done a wonderful job of spreading joy around to others, that is why I'm feeling so well."  
He pulled his mother close again. He knew he was crying and didn't care, the most important person in his life was in his arms. He never expected to see her again, not after he was told she had disappeared after he moved to Japan.  
"I love you mother, so much!"  
"I love you too, René!"

After a few moments they pulled apart again, Tamaki took her hand in his and held it tight.  
"Tamaki how would you like to live with your mother again?"

He looked at Kyoya, a puzzled look came across his face. "Can I really? But how?"

EEEEE

0o0o0o0o0o0

_I finally wrote a chapter with another language. I have been dying to do this and I soon as I knew I was bringing his mother into the picture I knew it had to be in French. I don't speak it so I'm sorry if the translation sucks. I did my best with all my sources to get it perfect. Also before in the bathroom Kyoya says love conquers all...I was told conquers doesn't translate into French... any thoughts. After sucking up the last two badly I had to make up for it so I hope I did better. Last chapter for 2009! Oh and a few fun facts...this story will have a sequel most likely. And again in the bathroom Tamaki was only suppose to be in a towel...but I couldn't do it...it's a long story why . :) Happy New Year, please review. _

_~Femalefighter~ _


	12. Rest Or Relapse

Chapter 12

**Rest or Relapse**

**Disclaimer- **I own nothing!

_We sit, we wait, we wonder. Can we pass the test? Can we achieve our dreams, set aside what we are told to follow our hearts or will we be fated to follow the path that has been laid out?_

_No_

_Your asking the wrong questions for the most important one is can you find peace or will you always be scared? Scared that you will relapse, scared that this time you won't be able to handle it._

_~These thoughts shall be the ones that haunt you for the rest of your days.~_

Tamaki crashed into his pillow, it felt so good to be back home. He wasn't sure how but his grandmother was unaware that he was still in Japan. Or that his mother, Annie-Sophie was here in Japan and living with him no doubt. She was in the guest bedroom and was planning on staying there until a more permanent solution was given. Everyone knew his grandmother wouldn't go to the estate, she never went there so both would be safe. Kyoya was asked to stay for a few days as a request from Tamaki. They both wanted time alone and with Kyoya going back to school tomorrow and with Tamaki staying out until next year, this seemed like the best way.

Kyoya sat on the edge of the bed, kicking off his house slippers. Antoinette was panting next to him, wanting to be petted. He was trying his hardest to ignore her, he wasn't crazy about dogs. He wasn't scared of them, mostly, just not a fan of the whole lick your face all over thing. And Antoinette was big on that.  
"Tamaki will she stop staring at me?" He looked behind him to see Tamaki asleep. He looked so peaceful and for once relaxed. If he wasn't in the middle of the bed where they both had to sleep until another bed could be brought over from somewhere, he would have left him. Kyoya stood up and tried to push him over," Tamaki move already, why are you a pain when you sleep too?" He gave up and looked at Antoinette. "Go wake him up will you?" She quickly stood and jumped on the bed. Within seconds Tamaki was laughing from her tongue.

"I'm up, I'm up, is it morning already?" He quickly sat up, rubbing his eyes. Satisfied she jumped down and laid on the floor of the bed. He looked around to see Kyoya standing next to the bed. He looked at the clock to see it was only a little after eight at night.  
"Is something wrong Kyoya?" He moved over to position himself better, now having enough space Kyoya went under the covers.  
"No, everything is fine now." Tamaki stared confused at what had just happened, he slide out of bed, "I'm going to go see my mother for a few minutes. I'll do my best not to wake you." Kyoya shrugged him off as he shut his eyes. He knew once he fell asleep he wouldn't feel any movement unless it was drastic. Tamaki walked out of the room and walked to her room. He listened closely as he knocked and heard nothing. He walked downstairs, following what sounded like Shima and his mother. He was correct, they sat in the living room. His mother spoke carefully trying to make sure her Japanese was correct. He was scared to interrupt but Annie-Sophie smiled as he entered the room.

"Renè, I mean Tamaki, come sit with me. Shima was being so kind as to fill me in with what has been going on with you." He sat down a little worried about what _had _been going on. Everything before the hospital had been foggy. The doctors said it was a mix of him hitting his head, lack of oxygen to the brain when his heart stopped, and the body's natural defense of trying to push away the events that had taken place. He was told the more time that passed and how willing he was to remember it would come back, but until then he had to deal with the frustration that occurred every time he dwelled on it.

"I will always be Renè to you mother." Shima stood up to give the two space to talk, not that she would understand them anyway if they continued to speak in French.  
"You are very close to the people I met earlier, am I correct?"  
"They are my family, which has made us very close, yes."

"I'm happy to hear that you have made some close friends. I was worried that you would be alone here like you were back home."  
"I was lucky to have met Kyoya as soon as I started school. I also wanted to follow your advice while I was here."  
"So you and Kyoya have been close for years then? The bond you both share can be seen all around you."  
"That is from us being best friends and leaders of a club. We must be able to work together so that our family can stay together."  
"What are your thoughts of a real family? I know ours is incomplete but I hope one day you can settle down."  
Tamaki fidgeted with his posture. He had thought about settling down with the right woman and starting a family but now he wasn't sure if that was still going to happen.  
"Renè what is wrong, Voua pauvez me dire tout ce qui vous inquiète."  
"I'm so confused by what I want anymore, that's all."  
"Well know that I don't care who your future is with. So long as your happy and able to live well I'm happy."

He sat and thought about that for a moment, did he really have her blessing to spend his life with whom ever he so chose? Was Kyoya right in saying love conquers all?

"Merci maman" She smiled as she excused herself to her room for the night.  
Could it be that simple? Could he live the rest of his days with Kyoya, so long as he wanted that as well?

No, they couldn't. Yoshiro would never allow it. Kyoya could lose everything, he was working so hard to gain the respect of his father, Tamaki couldn't ask him to give it all up. He could and would only enjoy while he was able, when it had to end he would let it.

He walked back upstairs and quietly entered the room. Kyoya was sound asleep still, Antoinette barely lifted her head to see him enter. While it wasn't late he felt drained. So much had happened today. All this excitement had taken it's toll on him. He had gotten so use to the dark he needed to reacquaint himself with the light. He looked to the sleeping man, even though he kept his distance, scared to upset him. He felt so protected, so at ease. The words wouldn't come to him, nothing could explain this feeling. Could this be love? Could the one thing he strifed for be right in front of his face? He restrained himself from touching the back of his head. Even facing the back of the other boy he found peace and sleep soon overcame him.

_~Can you hear the calling of your heart? It's beating louder than before.~_

Rays of light hit his face, he rolled over in hopes to avoid it. He slowly opened his eyes to see the other occupant still sleeping. He grabbed his phone to see the time, he sat up to find his glasses and to get ready to leave for school. While he knew Tamaki hadn't left school because he truly wanted to, the thought sounded nice. To not have to worry about classes or any of the stress related to it would be relaxing in it's self. By the time he got dressed and walked back into the room Tamaki was sitting up rubbing Antoinette's head who was now where Kyoya had been sleeping.  
"Good morning Kyoya, I hope you slept well."

He started tying his tie, "I slept fine, how do feel? Are you sure you'll be okay today?"

"I'll be fine, I won't be alone or anything, plus you can't miss anymore of your classes."

He eyed Tamaki, watching for any sign of a lie. Even the slightest crack and he would stay here, nothing else mattered. Not school, not what others thought, not even his father's respect. Nothing mattered if Tamaki wasn't part of his life. No future goals would matter much if he couldn't enjoy them with the one that helped him achieve them.  
"You better get going, breakfast is probably waiting for you downstairs."  
"Aren't you going to join me?"  
"I'll be down in a few minutes, but I don't have to be anywhere so I can eat whenever."  
"You've got five minutes to meet me downstairs."  
Tamaki sighed as he swung his legs over the bed. While he could go downstairs as he was he would feel odd with both Kyoya and his mother there, it wasn't proper.

Kyoya walked out leaving him alone to get dressed. He looked at his arm and debated what to wear. He automatically eliminated anything with buttons, he remembered the struggle he had yesterday and didn't want to deal with it. He carefully removed the sling and gently got his arms through a pull over tee. He struggled to get his jeans on since he couldn't grab with his right hand yet, he shimmed them up his legs to his waist. He laid on his bed to button them , tomorrow he was doing sweatpants. He slipped on his house slippers, not even wanting to deal with socks. He would be happy when he could use his hand again even if it was never the way it was before as long as he could get dressed he would be happy.

Kyoya sat across from Annie-Sophie. He knew he couldn't speak French and he wasn't sure if she spoke any Japanese. This was extremely awkward, he really wished Tamaki would hurry up and come downstairs.  
"Avez-vous l'aimer?" He looked up at her, she smiled realizing what she did. "I'm sorry I haven't spoke Japanese in a long time I forgot that I have to here." She took a drink and let the smile fade slowly from her face. "Do you love my son?"

0o0o0o0o

_I'll try to update again soon...writer's block is driving me mad! Any ideas, what do want to see?"_

_~Femalefighter~_


	13. Broken To Backlash

Chapter 13

**Balance to Backlash**

**Disclaimer-**I own nothing!

Anne-Sophie's face was solid, all joking was pushed aside. "Kyoya, do you love my son?" His feelings may be confusing him but he loves you very much. If you don't feel the same way then you must let him know."  
"Do not fret over your son's feelings for they are mutually accepted."

She sat back to relax her posture, her smile crossing her face. "I'm glad to hear that."

Tamaki walked into the kitchen, he said good-morning as he sat down next to his mother.

"So what are your plans for today, Renè?" He looked up from his breakfast, it felt nice to be eating food again and not whatever the hospital food was. While it wasn't too bad it still didn't beat a good home cooked meal.  
"Well I was just informed that someone is coming later to help me with physical therapy and then someone is coming to help with my schooling so I don't fall behind and can't graduate on time."  
"Well don't push yourself too hard, I think I speak for Kyoya as well when I say neither of us want to see you fall ill again." Kyoya looked up at the sound of his name and nodded, not really sure what was said. He had tuned them out momentarily to think about what Annie-Sophie said. While he did feel the same way he wasn't sure how to act on those feelings. He couldn't just tell his family he had feelings for Tamaki for he would lose everything he worked hard on. But, he couldn't keep all he had and not have Tamaki. He needed to have it work out. He slid the chair back to stand up, both across from him looked up as their conversation stopped.  
"Are you leaving for school already?"  
"Yes, please excuse me." He stood up and grabbed his school bag. He needed time to think of something, he would think of something that would keep Tamaki safe and financially secure.

Tamaki sat in the living room with the therapist. She was examining the current standing of his arm. How far he could move it, how tightly he could make a fist, if he could feel and grab things. He would flinch as a sharp pain would cut through his arm. This was nothing compared to that it could have been though so he did his best to hide it.  
"Well Tamaki it looks like I will be able to help you get the strength back in your arm but you may never be able to use your hand as heavily as you used to."  
"Thank you, whatever happens, happens. I'll be happy with just getting dressed by myself again." With that he began with the planned excersises. By the time it was close to the end of the two hours he was glad to have a cold compress on to help the straining of his arm.  
" I know it hurts now but if you keep doing this the pain will go away, I promise. I'll be back in a couple of days to do this all over again."  
"Oh, okay...thank you." He forced himself to smile at her as she gathered her things and left.

Kyoya was surprised at how easy it was to pick up the material. He had missed as much school as Tamaki had but it wouldn't take him long at all to hand in all the old and new work. Before classes he was flooded with questions about Tamaki. If it was true he wasn't coming back until next year, and if he had mono and that's why he was missing so much school. He wasn't sure how that rumor was started, he heard Tamaki say yesterday it was because of the flu. He didn't have much time to worry about it for he had to meet with the others in the music room. He grabbed his phone from his pocket, he stopped short at the name blinking in the caller id. "Hello Fuyumi...yes I have a minute, is something wrong?"

Tamaki sat at the kitchen table with his books open in front of him. His school tutor sitting next to him teaching him all he missed. He was struggling to keep up, Nothing was making any sense.  
"Sensai, can we start over...I'm lost."

The teacher nodded and started over clearly this would be harder then he thought. At least he didn't have to worry about the pace of the high school. At home he could take his time trying to figure it out.

Kyoya walked into music room three. The atmosphere was somber, the rest of the members were talking lightly amongst themselves almost scared to say what they were any louder.  
"So the rumors were true, mi'lord really didn't show up today."

"Hikaru you heard Tamaki tell you directly he was taking time off so why didn't you believe the rumors?"  
'I know but a part of me wanted to believe he was lying."

Everyone looked at the ground, all of them had a feeling he had been lying or hoping he would show up.

"Well he wasn't lying and the guests will be here shortly so let's get ready." Kyoya didn't have the patience to deal with him right now.  
"Come on Hika-chan!" Mitsukuni grabbed Hikaru and dragged to the other side of the room to be ready to great the girls. Mori led the way for Kaoru knowing he would simply follow. Kyoya knew it would be strange without Tamaki but they would pull through. The Host Club would thrive, as this was Tamaki's refuge when this passed they would all be waiting for him.

Tamaki sat in the living room, the music around him comforting his thoughts and troubles. His mother sat at the piano and played a song he hadn't heard in years. An old lullaby she would sing when he was upset. While it reminded him that he may never play again he was comforted knowing that the sweet sound still had an effect on him.

"Renè, come sit with me." She spoke gently over the song. He gently stood, gliding over to her at the piano. "Come join me."

He raised his hands over the keys uncertainty washing over him. "If you are frightened we can take this one step at a time." She stopped playing and got up to stand behind him. Her fingers stayed loosely over his, just giving enough pressure for him to hit the keys. "Does this hurt you?" she kept her face by his ear so she could keep her voice at a whisper.  
"No, it doesn't hurt.." His voice trailed off.

"Can you feel the notes? If your fingers can't feel it use your other senses to feel it. You know how you used to touch the keys and your ears can tell you if you are hitting the right one." Slowly he began to relax, allowing the pleasure he felt sweep over him, pushing back the fear. Annie-Sophie stepped back to watch. While he wasn't going as fast as the song requested the piece still worked. Soon she sat back next to him and joined in. At that moment something inside Tamaki clicked, all the doubt washed away. He knew what he had to do.

Kyoya walked into the house already swept away by the music. He stood next to Shima and another maid who was watching Annie-Sophie and Tamaki play from the doorway. As they got closer to the end Shima walked in as the maid went back to dusting.  
"I see you haven't forgotten how to play, Tamaki."

He looked over the piano to see Kyoya standing there. He nodded and looked at his mother, "No, I guess not." She smiled as she stood to leave with Shima giving the two men time to talk.  
"How did it go today, at the club?"

"It was fine, like a normal day, Rengè is making a new booklet that should go on sale next week." He was watching Tamaki's reaction as he sat down on the couch debating which past assignment he should do first.

"Kyoya, I want my mother to go back to France soon." Tamaki stayed by the piano and watched as Kyoya sat upright in the seat. "I don't want her to compromise her health by staying here... I can live with her after I graduate. I also think that after tonight you should go back to your house tomorrow after school. I don't want your father to get upset with you if he learns about all that has gone on, and the more time you spend here the bigger chance he has of finding out."

"What made you decide all of this, what are you planning Tamaki?"  
"I don't know what happened but something finally clicked for me, and I'm not planning anything. I just don't want to see all you've worked so hard for up until now to be lost."  
"Don't worry about me, I'm not worried about my father."  
"But Kyoya, for as long as I've known you, you have always worked towards the goal of earning your father's respect so you can do something other then work for your brothers. I refuse to let you give that up for me!"

"You don't need to worry about that, something in my future is changing anyway!" _*Shit , I didn't want to say that* _

"What are you talking about? Is it about us? That's another reason I want you to go home. My parents suspect and figure there is something between us and neither care but your father will never approve!"

Kyoya stood up and walked over to Tamaki.  
Kyoya I..." he was slapped by the other. Nothing hard enough to leave a mark but something to calm the emotions that were stirring around Tamaki.  
"Enough Tamaki, my father is not your concern! I don't want you to worry about it anymore, okay?" He walked away, grabbing his school bag as he walked towards the door. "I need to start my school work, I'll be upstairs if you need me."  
Tamaki could only stare at him as he walked out of sight. Kyoya was hiding something, he wouldn't pry but he would be strong enough so when he was ready Tamaki could listen and help if he had to.

He walked upstairs to see Kyoya standing by the window looking out.  
"Are you mad at me Kyoya? I'm sorry for upsetting you. I hope you can forgive me." Kyoya stayed staring at the window. Tamaki knew he didn't have to forgive him, he had been asking for it a lot lately and so far Kyoya had but sooner or later he could stop.  
"Kyoya are you okay, did something happen?" He walked over to him and put his hand on his shoulder. Kyoya shook it off and grabbed Tamaki's good wrist as it fell back to his side. Kyoya dragged Tamaki to the bed and threw him on it.  
"Kyoya?"

"I'm going to make sure you never doubt what I won't do for you ever again."

"Ky...oya?" Tamaki saw into his glasses, his eyes betraying the seriousness of his voice.  
"Are you sure about this?"

"Very"

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

_Yay they slept together! One day I'll detail it! Hope you enjoyed the chapter... Leave some love...or hate... :)_

_~Femalefighter~_


	14. End Of Everything

Chapter 14

**End Of Everything**

**Disclaimer-** I own nothing!

**Author's Note-**This is the last chapter for this story. I had a blast with this story no matter how hard it was to write at times. Thanks for all the support. Please don't forget to review with what you think/thought.

~Femalefighter~

The sun's rays broke through the cracks in the shades. Their light hitting the eyes of the blonde who was securely locked in the arms of his lover. He rolled over to watch his dark haired prince sleep. The events of the previous night seeped into his active mind. _Tamaki watched Kyoya's body relax, he was a little scared. He didn't want to disappoint Kyoya, when their end came he wanted to make sure it ended on a good note. Slowly he relaxed, letting instincts take over. Embracing every curve, he wanted to enjoy and remember this, the greatest appreciation of love. He was told that the first time and every time should be with the person you love the most. Even with an uncertain future he wanted to show his true feelings for the person that had his whole heart, now and forever. There was no doubt in his uncertain mind that this was what he wanted._

_~ Together let's create our tomorrow~_

Tamaki smiled as he snuggled closer, falling back asleep to the sweet scent that was Kyoya.

When Kyoya woke up, the smell of Tamaki's spray engulfed his senses. _Aromadisiac_ if he recalled, no wonder it was Tamaki's favorite. Even the remnants had an effect on him. He looked to see Tamaki snuggled up to his chest, sleeping peacefully, his arms close to his heart as if to make sure he could get as close as possible. Slowly he moved his hands away and sat up, trying to remember where he put his glasses last night. He saw them still in his shirt pocket where Tamaki hung it last night on the bed post so they wouldn't get broken. Gently reaching across he pulled them out and got them on. It was late morning already, he figured he should get up before someone walked in to make sure everything was okay, if they hadn't already. Not seeing any sign of either ones clothes and not having any intention of moving off the bed in the cloth-less state he was in, he tied the shirt around his waist. It was only until he could walk into the bathroom and shower anyway.

He stood there, letting the hot water run down him. The steam and water were clearing his head, allowing for him to think about all that happened.

_Once their lips touched his anger drained, the innocence in Tamaki's eyes were making his body respond differently. Only moments ago anger had taken control of his feelings but now he had to be careful of his actions. He had to make sure no harm came to him. Tamaki was glass in his eyes if he didn't treat him gently he could break._

As the events unraveled in his mind he tensed. Did he mess up? Had he just ruined the one thing he had left in this world? Had he forced Tamaki into something he didn't want? He knew his values and what he thought about sex before marriage.  
"Oh God, what have I done?"

He quickly finished up so he could talk to Tamaki. He needed to apologize for what happened, but he knew what he did was unforgivable. He wrapped a towel around himself and hastily left the room.

When he walked out Tamaki was holding Kyoya's phone. Seeing Kyoya there he handed it to him. "It keeps going off, I think it's important, I was just about to tell you." Maybe he was just over reacting but it seemed like Tamaki's robe was tied extremely too tight. Tamaki handed him the phone then walked into the bathroom. Kyoya's fear worsened, it seemed like Tamaki was avoiding him. He couldn't worry for too long though as he looked at his phone to see it was his sister calling.  
"Please don't carry bad news." he whispered as he picked up. "Hello Fuyumi, I'm sorry I was in the shower..."

"Kyoya I was able to convince our brother that your funds get put in my name...I'm going to create an account for you to access them okay?"

"Yes that's fine just make sure the bank isn't one father has connections with."

"I will, Kyoya please tell me you are going to care of yourself, I know father is being too harsh on you, will you be okay where ever you are now?"

"I'll be fine once everything is settled, I will call you with my new address soon, in the meantime can you watch my things?"

"Kyoya don't you have a place? Please tell me you aren't living from place to place."  
"No, I'm not, I'm in the process of moving, I'll talk to you later."  
"Kyoya...take care, I'm so worried for you."  
"Bye Fuyumi."

He hung up his phone and walked to his travel bag that held the few things of clothes he had packed. He stopped what he was doing when he heard Tamaki behind him.  
"Kyoya, were you kicked out of your home?"  
He spun around to see Tamaki standing in the bathroom doorway.  
"I didn't mean to overhear but I walked in to get something, I'm sorry, but why didn't you tell me?"  
"Don't worry about it Tamaki, it won't change anything now, I saw it happening sooner or later anyway. So it was really just a matter of time."  
"But Kyoya, it's my fault for that happening isn't it? I wanted you to stay with me all this time and I ruined your future in the process. I'm so sorry." He turned away and cried in his hand, he had screwed up everything again. But now the consequences wasn't effecting him alone for he had taken Kyoya down with him. He saw the bandages on his arm, wave after wave of desire to cut pulsed through him. A price had to be paid for all the trouble he was causing to the ones around him.  
No, he couldn't, he had to forgot about that, he could never take another object to him again. No matter how badly his body ached for it.

Kyoya walked over and lifted his chin.  
"Tamaki you have done nothing wrong, never blame yourself for this." He hushed him before he could say anything back. "If either of us is sorry it is me, for I took my feelings out on you. I'm sorry about last night, it should have never happened. I hope I didn't damage our relationship too much."

Confusion twisted Tamaki's face. "You're sorry about it? I...I'm not."

Kyoya took a half step back, "You're not mad at me, I completely disregarded your values, and went against what you were raised on."  
"I was raised on sex being with the one you love, the first time and every time, my heart." he shook his head to redo the thought. "My whole being loves you so what we did last night was full of love, or am I wrong in thinking that for both of us?"  
Kyoya's whole body relaxed, "No, you're not wrong in the slightest bit."  
Tamaki's face brightened.

Shima knocked on the door to Tamaki's room, it was lunchtime and he hadn't been downstairs yet. She figured he was okay with Kyoya watching him but she wouldn't be doing her job if she didn't check. Kyoya opened the door, "Is Master Tamaki alright, it is unlike him to skip breakfast and stay upstairs all morning?"  
"Sorry Shima, Tamaki was studying late with me last night trying to catch up on the work. He will be down in a few minutes he is just getting dressed." He no sooner finished speaking when Tamaki came out of the bathroom fully dressed just trying to get his hand to button his sleeve cuff.  
"Something wrong Shima? I hope lunch is ready I'm starving." He followed her down the stairs to the kitchen, Kyoya followed behind him.

After lunch Kyoya walked outside on the phone. Tamaki could only guess that it was his sister again. With all that had happened in the last few hours there was still no doubt in his mind that what he planned to do was the right thing. Tamaki's thoughts were broken by his mother's laughter. She walked into the living room with his father next to her. Tamaki couldn't help but smile at the scene of them together, for that short moment it seemed like they had always been a normal family.  
"Father what brings you here?"  
"I came to see how you were doing, I'm going away on business soon so I thought I would spend the time here, with you."  
"I'm doing okay, I think, I want to talk to you about business. When are you leaving?"  
" I leave tomorrow for America, it seems a business partner has connections in New York and would like me to go there, to set up relations as well. So what do you want to discuss?"  
Annie-Sophie had walked out, Tamaki's eyes had asked her to leave out of respect to her. She knew she didn't have to ask why he would want her too, he would tell her why later.

Kyoya walked back in the house, Annie-Sophie was fixing up a floral arrangement in the doorway.  
"Renè is talking with Yuzuru in the other room if your looking for him."  
"Thank you, could you tell him I had to step out but I'll be back later."  
"Of course Kyoya."  
He grabbed his coat and walked back outside. With the money clearing he could now look for a place of his own. Even though Tamaki had told him to go home before he knew he didn't have one he still felt the need of getting a place of his own.

"Are you sure about this Tamaki?"  
"Yes, I am, I know this is the right thing to do. I have ruined someones future and I have to try and make it right."  
"Well then I'll support your decision and will help you."  
"Thank you father."  
With that taken care of there was only one thing left to do but he would worry about that later. Now he wanted to enjoy having his parents under one roof again.

Annie-Sophie walked back in and joined the others. "Kyoya had to go out but he said he would be back later."  
"Oh, okay thank you."  
Tamaki wanted Kyoya here he wanted to tell him about his plan. Even though Kyoya said that his getting kicked out wasn't his fault, Tamaki couldn't help but feel guilty. Maybe if he had been stronger or wasn't gay or even if he was but hadn't involved Kyoya then none of this would have happened. This was why he didn't want anyone involved. This was why he had kept his problems locked away. He didn't want anyone to worry or have anyone get in trouble but it ended up happening anyway. He had done exactly what his father did all those years ago. His father sought out love, found it but had it snatched away at a high cost. Now Tamaki did it, he wanted love, found it but had to do what was right and forget about it. Maybe his father was right, whims didn't come cheaply for his family. Maybe he was better off never looking for it.

No that's not true, he had been his happiest when he found what he waited since childhood for.

By the time Kyoya came back, Tamaki had let his troubles slip his mind. All that he had worried about was washed away by the laughter he shared with his parents.  
"Ah Kyoya come join us, we are sharing funny stories at Tamaki's expense."  
"Father! Stories like this aren't ones to be told with friends present. Kyoya doesn't want to hear them!"  
"Actually Tamaki I would be honored to hear them." He sat down on the same couch as him but a seat apart and allowed Yuzuru to continue. Tamaki tried to cover his blushing face. Yuzuru continued with his tirade of stories from his visits to Tamaki before he moved to Japan. His mother would throw a couple in every now and then but she let Yuzuru do most of the talking.

After dinner Tamaki was able to get the red off his face as his parents stepped out back to talk. The backyard was perfect for just that with the gazebo in the middle of the large garden. With them outside Tamaki walked to his room, he needed to take care of a few things while he had the chance. Kyoya was working on the homework that he needed for tomorrow, leaving Tamaki to do what he needed to do uninterrupted. When he was done he folded it and stuck it one of his school books. When he left his room Yuzuru was getting ready to leave for the night.  
"I hope your trip goes well, do you know how long you'll be gone?"  
" A few weeks probably, take care Annie-Sophie, we'll be in touch." She nodded and kissed him lightly on the cheek.  
"Good-night father, hope your trip is safe and productive as well." Yuzuru taking a second to fully get what Tamaki said departed to his waiting car to go back to the main estate. Annie-Sophie headed to her room for the night after saying good-night to Tamaki.

He laid in bed, not really trying to sleep just trying to relax. Antoinette was next to him laying her head in his chest, wanting to be petted.  
"Well Antoinette, this is it. No turning back after tonight. Think I'm ready for it?"  
She nuzzled her nose into him as if to give her answer. Kyoya walked into the room for bed, making Antoinette get up and jump down.  
"Did you get a lot of homework done?" Tamaki asked as he changed clothes for bed. Kyoya started changing as well. The one thing that changed from the other night both felt comfortable changing in front of each other.

When they went under the covers, Tamaki fought the urge to get too close. He didn't want to invade Kyoya's personal space. Slowly he reached for his hand under the covers. When he grabbed it he watched for a reaction, not getting one he moved closer but still giving him space.  
"Oh just come here already." Taking the hand that Tamaki held and slid him closer. Now snuggled close Tamaki shut his eyes, "Goodnight Kyoya, mon ami."  
"Good night Tamaki, Je t'aime." With that both smiled though only one was seen, and both soon feel into a peaceful slumber.

Both woke up to Antoinette walking on them.  
"Tamaki get your damn dog off me!" Tamaki sat up and pulled her on his lap to whisper in her ear. "Kyoya isn't a morning person girl, you need to be careful...his glare could kill you." She covered her face with her paw as if she was scared.  
"Oh shut up! I'm going to get ready for school, okay?" Tamaki laughed at his reaction, "Yeah go ahead you have to be somewhere, I don't."

Kyoya got up and walked into the bathroom, Tamaki played with Antoinette before getting up. So much had happened recently and he knew this was only the beginning. The test started today, this was the point of no return.

Before Kyoya walked out of the front doors Tamaki stopped him. "Kyoya can you tell the others that I said hi and I hope they don't scare off all our customers without their king there."

"Sure Tamaki I'll tell them, you should call later so you can talk to everyone yourself though, they would all like that."  
"Okay, if I get the chance I will." He smiled and waved as Kyoya walked out the door. Once the car was safely out of sight he sought out Shima. Finding her in the back of the house where the maids and herself would go when they had a few minutes to themselves.  
"Master Tamaki, can I help you with something?"  
"Yes you can Shima. My mother isn't with you now is she?"  
"No sir, she is outside with the Gardner, helping him trim the roses."  
"Good, then please make sure Kyoya read this " He pulled out a folded piece of paper and handed it to her.  
"Master Tamaki, may I ask what you are planning?"  
"I'm going with my father who will be arriving shortly. Please make sure he sees that and say nothing about this until after he has." He hugged her then ran off towards the front of the house to wait for Yuzuru.

As soon as he got into the limo Yuzuru asked again, " Are you absolutely sure about this?"

"Yes Father, there is not a single doubt in my mind that this is what has to be done to set things straight."  
"Very well then." With that he told the driver to go.

_Dear Kyoya,_

_If you haven't already guessed I've left for America with my father. Don't bother looking for me for even I don't know where I'm going exactly. In order to set things right again I have to do this. But you see this time is different, for I'm not doing this for my grandmother I'm doing this for you. I want you to go get your future, the one you have dreamt of for years. I'm okay now, I found what I was looking for all this time and that was you. Your the person I was searching for and I can be happy for the rest of my days knowing I got to experience it. My house is now yours so you don't have to look for one anymore and the staff is there for you as well. Antoinette likes you so please be kind to her. Kyoya I want to thank you for everything you have done for me. I hope you live your life exactly as you dreamed. You have brought me back my smile and so now I can move to America with that and our memories, making the most of my time there. I hope you can too. May you marry someone who captures your heart and helps you reach for your dreams. Best Wishes._

_I love you Forever and Always. _

_Tamaki Suoh _

_o0o0o0o0_

Well there you have it the end of Seeing Me Smile. I hope you enjoyed, there is most likely a sequel coming. But here is a fun fact, hand written this story is 130 pages...my hand is going to fall off but it is worth it. Please leave your thoughts on this story. I do really want to know what everyone that read this thought. Thanks again for reading.

~Femalefighter~


	15. There Might Have Been a Time

Chapter 15  
**There Might Have Been a Time**

**Disclaimer-**I own nothing!

Author's note-This was supposed to go up January 1st but I fail and couldn't get myself to write it. But alas I have gotten my act together and here it is!

**Tamaki is in Bold**  
_Kyouya is in Italics_  
Got it? good because you may not get it otherwise :)

This falls between the time when Kyouya founds out that Tamaki is cutting himself and before he is hospitalized.

Tamaki sat on the couch in Kyouya's room playing with his hands. At first Kyouya thought he was doing homework but as he got closer he noticed all the books were closed. Sitting across from him he couldn't even get a word out before Tamaki started rambling and was soon hysterical.  
_"Hey, slow it down, whataya want from me."_ Moving forward he reached over to him _"Whataya want from me."_  
Tamaki placed his head in his hands, only half listening. He was pulled away by his thoughts. **"Yeah I'm afraid, whataya want from me."**

He stood up to create space, he knew what Kyouya wanted but it didn't seem possible. Not now, not when time was still passing before he had to say good-bye.  
**"There might have been a time, and I would give myself away."** Clenching his fists he stepped back further. He couldn't hurt Kyouya by telling him, he already hurt him.  
**"Oooh once upon a time I didn't give a damn, but now, here we are, so whataya want from me."** Turning around Kyouya could see the anger, pain, and hurt Tamaki was internally dealing with. **"Whataya want from me."**

Standing up Kyouya grabbed Tamaki's shaking hands to help him calm down. He looked straight into his quivering eyes. _"Just don't give up, I'm workin' it out. Please don't give in, I won't let you down."_ He flipped up Tamaki's wrist to point to his still healing cuts.  
_"It messed me up, need a second to breathe. Just keep coming around. Hey, whataya want from me"_ Tamaki pulled away. He was trying not to get angry at Kyouya, the only person that was trying to help, yet he still he couldn't stop the words from spilling out, full of confusion. He couldn't handle this. **"Whataya want from me."**

Moving closer again he gently touched Kyouya's cheek. **"Yeah, it's plain to see."  
**_"Plan to see."_  
**"That baby your beautiful and it's nothing wrong with you."  
**_"Nothing wrong with you."_ He pulled away as his body started shaking from the emotions swirling inside of him. **"It's me, I'm a freak, yeah."**  
Turning around he tried to smile as his eyes filled with tears. **"But thanks for loving me, cause you're doing it perfectly, it perfectly." **Slowly and carefully he stepped back shoving his hand in his pants pockets. **"There might have been a time when I would have let you step away. I wouldn't even try, but, I think you could save my life."** As he moved to between the couches and behind the coffee table he pulled out the blade from his pocket.

Kyouya moved forward, jumping on the coffee table to close the gap between them faster. He wasn't going to let Tamaki do this, no matter what. Holding his wrists he fought against Tamaki as he tried to pull away.  
_"Just don't give up I'm workin' it out, please don't give in, I won't let you down. It messed me up, need a second to breathe, just keep coming around. Hey, whataya want from me."_ Tamaki tried to free his wrists from Kyouya's grip. His right arm was starting to hurt from the pressure. **"Whataya want from me, Whataya want from me,"**  
_"Whataya want from me."_

Kyouya tried to pry the blade from Tamaki's hand. Never again would he be allowed to cut himself. Not while they were together and nowadays that was always. He couldn't lose Tamaki to depression, he would give him all the strength he needed to beat this.  
_"Just don't give up on me, uhhhhh, I won't let you down. No, I won't let you down."_

Tamaki couldn't fight any longer. His whole body was in pain from fighting against Kyouya. The harder he fought against all his pain the more he desired to press the single blade to his arm. Kyouya released Tamaki's left arm to grab his chin and look into those troubled eyes.  
_"So I, just don't give up on me, I'm workin' it out, Please don't give in, I won't let you down. It messed me up."_  
**"It messed me up."  
**_"Need a second to breathe, just keep coming around."  
_**"Hey, whataya want from me."**

Finally able to pry the blade from Tamaki's fingers he closed it and placed it in his pocket. As Tamaki tried to go for it Kyouya pushed him back. Soon he had Tamaki pinned against the wall next to his TV. _"Just don't give up, I'm workin' it out. Please don't give in. I won't let you down, it messed me up, need a second to breathe. Just keep coming around. Hey, whataya want from me."  
_**"Whataya want from me."**  
_"Whataya want from me, whataya want from me."_  
**"Whataya want from me." **With that Tamaki gave up the fight, sinking to his knees he started to cry, he was ready now to tell Kyouya everything he needed help, he needed to stop this. This wasn't him and he didn't want to hurt anymore.

0o0o0o0o0o

For some reason I wanted to do something like this. Not sure if it sucks or not so leave your thoughts in a review. Thanks Love You.

~Femalefighter~


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